Archive | January, 2013

ITS SO BIG!

25 Jan

My stomach that is.

Its getting gi-normous! everyone keeps telling me i look like i swallowed a watermelon. Even the guy that works at the cell phone kiosk at the mall nick named me “water melon girl.” One of my friends told me i dont look pregnant from the back though, which is weird since im sooooo obviously pregnant in the front.  I really dont know how i can possibly get bigger…!! I mean SERIOUSLY. If my stomach grows any bigger i will surely tip over. not even kidding.

I only have 4 weeks left till my due date (but honestly im thinking ill have my baby a week or two early.) either way, it means i will be seeing my baby VERY VERY SOON!! *girly squeel inserted here* I am so over the moon excited to hold her and look at her little face.

I passed my glucose test, and i just had my strep B test done last week. I have a feeling my doctor is a bit of a pervert but its too late to change doctors this late in the game in my opinion. But you know your doctors a little pervy when they get that little involuntary smile that creeps up on their face right before they check your privates. and dont even get started on how the rest went! I personally feel he took longer than he had to and did the test differently than how i read its supposed to be done.  But …whatever. Just glad thats over with and soon i wont have to be seeing him anymore.

I was deppressed last week for a day or two. But then I got over it. So maybe I wanted Oreo cookies and milk and I only got a sugar cookie and a glass of water….well then so be it. I will be happy with my sugar cookie and glass of water. Its better than nothing! Ive learned my lesson though: I will never beleive anyone who promises me Oreo cookies and milk until theyre in my hand. You know, Just to be on the safe side.

Lately Ive noticed how quiet it is when im home alone. I dont have a TV or a Radio so I guess thats part of the reason why its so quiet, but it just makes me ponder on how it wont always be this way. very soon the quietness will be filled with a little newborn crying (hopefully not too much crying though.) I will look over at the side of my bed and instead of the sleep sheep inside the rocker sleeper, Ill see my precious baby girl. I cant wait to see her eyes opened wide staring up at me. and that first smile. I cant wait!

Theres a saying my mom often repeats to me: “theres always something good to be taken from every bad situation.”

In this case that “good” would definitely be my little Layla who will be here soon.

 

IMAG4541

 

I usually have Layla listen to Mozart and Beethoven either while i do my make-up in the day or at night before i go to bed.

 

Advertisements

WHY are you so damn lucky??

19 Jan

YES YOU.

I was driving around in my car thinking about you today.

and you know what i told myself?  I said, “Why do you get to be so damn lucky? WHY??”

you think you have problems but you really don’t.

How i wish i had your life.

You found someone amazing, who loves you. you might even have little minions who make your life richer. You take care of them and they take care of you. you laugh, you smile, and you eat good food. You enjoy life, your family, your friends, and you enjoy giving yourself a little treat every now and then. life is good.

Somehow you got lucky.

Im not mad. Im just confused at how *I became the unlucky one. What did i do wrong??

(actually dont answer that. *snorts)

 

I guess Im just feeling pooey.

I badly wish I could make a cheerful funny post like everyone else. Gosh I envy the people that get to make such happy posts right now.

I was debating whether or not to even share the current tragedy of my life with you. You might not want to hear it. but thats ok. I just need to write this even if nobody reads it.

Warning: Im about to get personal.

5 months ago, I left my boyfriend. thus making me officially a single mother to be. I badly wanted to make it work but I knew it wasnt a healthy relationship. Of course we had our good times, but the bad times were really bad. and they were often. When my brother called me one night and told me he would take care of me and my baby if i left my boyfriend, it opened my eyes.

*wow…I actually have another option…I thought. before my brother offered his help, I couldnt imagine leaving my boyfriend. where would i go? how would i survive on my own with a baby? It just didnt seem like I had any choice but to stay with my boyfriend and be hopeful that things would change.

When my brother so generously offered his help, tears filled my eyes. I didnt have to suffer anymore. someone was willing to help me.

“I didnt know that I had any other choice,” I said bewtween tears.

“Of course you do. Im happy to help you. Youre my sister and I love you. I dont want you to be with someone that makes you suffer,” He said to me.

“But…but its such a big responsibility…” I said blinking in deep thought.

“I know, but ill take care of both of you, dont worry,” he said with full confidence in his voice.

 

Still, I didnt take him up on his offer. at least not right away. call me crazy, but I just didnt think he understood just how big of a responsibility he was taking on. Hes young, single, doesn’t have kids, and spends his money as fast as he gets it. I told him I appreciated his offer but i just didnt think he was ready for such a big responsibility. Besides, my boyfriend was the one who should be responsible for me and our baby. not anyone else.

So i stayed with my boyfriend and endured more suffering. finnally i just couldnt take it anymore. the accusations of cheating or flirting with guys were constant and so were the horrible insults that came with it. being woken up at 3 am to be told that i was “easy” and to raise my daughter to be different just did it for me. It hurt to be called those names especially when i prided myself in being faithful. I cried painfully at all the accusations and insults, and then I cried more when I would look down at my pregnant belly. Could she hear me crying? could she feel my pain? The thought of my pain being transferred to my unborn innocent baby girl killed me. I knew I couldnt do this to her. She deserved better.

I ended it then and there.

The funny thing is my boyfriend didnt want to end things. He always acted like it was over, but panicked if he saw that I was really leaving him.

I knew I had one person who i could count on though: My brother. I was not alone. I had somewhere to go. someone who cared about me and didnt want me to suffer anymore.  He kept reminding me that he would take care of me and my baby. I kept reminding him too how it was a huge responsibility. He would say he was aware of that, and even offered to get up in the middle of the nights and help me with my baby if needed. I felt such a relief.

And so I finally left my boyfriend for good. In December I moved into a nice little place with my brother. I was happy. Happier than Id been in months.  My boyfriend wasnt around to torture me every other week. I didnt cry anymore. things were going to be ok now. What a great feeling that was!

My brother told me he would take care of my bills, and my baby would have EVERYTHING it needed. He even told me I wouldnt have to work after having my baby, granting me my wish of staying home with my baby so i wouldnt miss any of the her first moments. He promised me all of that.

AND I REALLY BELEIVED HIM.

sometimes I want to slap myself for beleiving people. You would think after constantly being dissapointed that id learn my lesson…

 

not only was our rent past due, my car payments are past due, and Ive barely been able to get things i really need for my baby.

 

My brother earns good money–he is the co-owner of our dads company. money isnt the issue. Its his spending thats the problem. He recently bought $300 prada sunglasses, a mini shopping spree at EXPRESS, and God knows what else. The point being, he spends it all as soon as he gets it.

He kept promising me Id have my bills taken care of, and my baby would have everything it needs. It was starting to sound like empty promises.

Then a few days ago, I asked him for some money so i could catch up on my car payments. He looked at me like I was crazy. “You do know I have a car bill every month right? and that Im behind–youve told me youll give me the money but you havent,” I reminded him.

“Well, yea but I cant help you right now. you could ask the rest of our family for help–thats what family is for,” he said.

His words echoed in my ear, the way something does when its so awful, and your mind replays it to make sure you never forget it.

“but they never said they were going to take care of me. you did. you promised youd take care of my bills and my baby would have everything it needed. I didnt know you were going to make me go out and beg the rest of our family for money. If I knew you were going to do this to me I wouldve stayed with my boyfriend.”

deep down I knew that the only person who could really help me would be my dad, and while we have reconciled and are now on talking terms, asking him for help is the last thing i want to do.

How can I look him in the face and ask him for help when i feel that he judges me for being single and knocked up? Im just a disapointment to him. He didnt show up at my baby shower and he didnt get me a gift either. sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

and here my brother was suggesting that I ask my dad for help.

A knot formed in my throat, and i felt a horrible feeling inside. being pregnant and single is already such a public humiliation. But now if I were to ask my dad for help, I would only be reminded by him how disapointed he is in me, and hed make me feel as if i didnt deserve his help but he would reluctantly do it anyway. somehow i feel like id rather die than be made to feel like a disappointing piece of crap by my dad.

My brother doesnt see that though. He doesnt understand the dynamics bewtween my dad and I. He thinks I can just be sweet and nice, kiss up to my dad, and get whatever i want. He imagines all girls can be daddys girls as long as they know how to kiss up. I just cant do it. every time I tried being sweet to my dad he shot me down, ignored me, or screamed at me. Im scared to open up anymore.

I just want to make my own money and never have to rely on a guy ever again. I dont want to kiss up to anyone. I dont want to feel that i have to take crap from someone just because theyre supporting me. I dont want to feel like im a burden because someone is taking care of me.

I hate being dependent on men. its humiliating. Im not a puppy. I dont feel like doing tricks and licking their feet to get a “treat.”

I wish so badly that I was a successful career woman who made good money and could be self sustainable. That is what I daydream of…

But my dad didnt let me go to the college i wanted, which was two hours away. He did however let my brother go to college a couple states away the following year.

I wanted to be a fashion designer.

sometimes I close my eyes and see beautiful clothes I’ve never seen before. I see the colors vibrantly, shimmering and all the small details on the clothes. I also have dreams of being in stores and going through racks of clothes I’ve never seen before. I’ll wake up and sketch what i saw in my dreams. I feel like I couldve really been somewhere by now if i had gone to school for it.

But my dad suggested i go to a local college to be a “nurse.” The thought of being a nurse in a hospital irked me. That wasnt my passion or talent.

I ended up never going to college.

My dad was always more worried about me being a good “house wife.” learning how to cook, clean and grocery shop. I guess he thought Id find a good husband who would take care of me that way.

He was never too worried about me being financially self sustainable.

I wish he had been.

I now have a child on the way, and because I depend on others to help me, i feel trapped. I don’t feel free. I’m at their mercy-at what they’ll give me, when they want to give it to me. its a horrible feeling to have to ask others for help and then risk being treated like a speck of dust on the ground. a mere peasant.

my dreams of staying home with my baby girl when shes born seem to be vanishing. Yes my brother promised me i wouldnt have to work…but now he tells me he cant really help me, and so it seems i might be forced to go back to work soon after my baby is born. WHICH ABSOLUTELY KILLS ME TO THE CORE.

Im afraid of leaving her with anyone, because I love her so much already and i dont want anyone to hurt her. Im also afraid of her getting attached to someone more than me. Im afraid to miss all her precious first moments and only hear about them.

I feel tricked. My brother had promised he would help me. He promised he would take care of me and my baby. I didnt know he would back out of his promise. especially when im most vulnerable. Im 34 weeks pregnant, I cant work right now, and so im literally depending on him.

He also doesnt realize that if i ask my dad for help, my dad might want me to go live with him and my mom. and that is such a bad idea…my dad will never see me as a grown up as long as i live under his roof and need his help. The last thing i want is to be treated like a child in front of my child.

I wouldnt even have to ask anyone else for help if my brother had been more responsible with his money. But he didnt seem to really understand what taking care of me and my baby really meant. That is what i had feared, but he kept repeating that he knew what it meant, and i believed him.

Its so frustrating to not be able to go out, get a job and be independent right now. I HATE depending on others. especially because they always let me down. In this life, I’ve learned that if you want something done, you have to do it yourself.

So thats where im at right now. barely getting by on the crumbs my brother gives me.

Often times I think about my ex-boyfriend. I wonder where hes at, how hes doing, who hes with. I wonder if he thinks of me. sometimes i feel like shouting at him and saying, “WHY did you do this to me??! why did you get me pregnant?!” but I dont regret being pregnant. I love Layla so much already. I guess Im just mad that Im the one pregnant, wondering how im going to survive with a baby on my own. and knowing that he probably doesnt care that im going through such a difficult time. “would he care if he knew?” I often ask myself. would he feel anything if he saw the pain, frustration, and poverty im going through with his child in my womb? sometimes I stare at his picture for a long time, remembering previous conversations we had. Ill remember hurtful things he would tell me. Ill remember traumatizing moments, and my eyes will well up with tears.

and so i know…I am not the lucky one. I didn’t end up with someone who treats me good, and cares for me.

I am alone.

how i envy the pregnant women who have a husband they can snuggle up with at night. my bed is always empty.

maybe one day things might change for me though. One day I might be lucky like you.

For now, all i can do is keep smiling even when im crying inside. Somehow i will get through this.

I will survive.

 

0110131503a

 

 

 

MY BABY SHOWER WAS A DISASTER

15 Jan

Well I cant say I didn’t warn myself.

I didn’t want a baby shower since the beginning but my 18 year old brother INSISTED i have one. I figured, ok why not. it’ll be small, nothing fancy or complicated. just a nice meal, some family and some presents. easy peasy right?

WELL.

It started with my brother Damian and his wife planning my baby shower. Soon though his wife opted out, saying she didnt know too much about planning a party.

Then my other brothers girlfriend heard of my baby shower and quickly jumped on the band wagon. She wanted to help plan it too.

So Damian and Daisy were going to be the host and hostess of my baby shower. ( just FYI…they had dated each other in the past.) so now that they were going to be planning this party together, it meant alot of “talk” time with each other, which irritated my brothers wife Isabel, who believed Daisy might still be interested in Damian, which wasnt true at all. So that sparked some drama. Isabel said some things to Daisy that she probably shouldn’t have and ever since then there has been a rift between them.

Aside from family drama, my brother Damian told me early on that he would be getting me a Britax car seat and matching stroller. I was beyond excited. I didnt worry about the car seat after that because i was counting on him. WELL….right before i was 8 months, he told me he didnt get it after all. He was going to wait until january to get it, but the deal was long gone before then. I told him good deals dont last long. I dont understand how he thought it would still be there months later at that incredible price. not only was i hugely let down after being so excited, but i was also  super stressed out because now i had to find a car seat quickly since they WONT let you leave the hospital without one.

I made an online amazon gift registry and gave my brother the link so he could pass it on to the people he was going to invite. He lost it twice and had me resend it to him three times. He also did not pass the link to any of the people invited. He “forgot.” And by the time i checked with him about it, there were only two weeks left for my baby shower. It was too late to have people order the gifts online. I would now get presents I didnt really want or need. “great.”

I also made a list that i hand wrote with instructions on what food we would have at my baby shower (my favorite meal) the decorations, the place, the time, and the people that would be invited. Damian asked if he could have the list and i gladly gave it to him since he was planning the party. WELL…he lost it.

He kept calling me over and over asking about every detail. He would ask me the same questions too. “Hey what are you gonna cook again?” was asked at least 5 times, followed by pesky questions like “when are you going to make it? are you going to put salad dressing on the salad? are you making the salad the night before or the day of?”

“hey what am i supposed to bring again?” He would ask over and OVER. “chips and soda,” I would repeat time and time again. funny enough, on the day of the baby shower he still forgot the chips.

When we changed the baby shower from its original date to the next weekend so that our Hostess could be there, I asked Damian to call everyone and let them know of the date change. He whined and complained and i had to remind him it wasn’t that big of a deal to call the five people he invited and tell them of the new baby shower date. He then told me he didnt feel “appreciated.” OH GEEZ im sorry Im not more grateful at how whiny youre being with the little job you have of sitting on your butt, picking up your phone and making 5 short calls that’ll take you no more than 10 minutes. geez life must be so hard. and he was supposed to be my Host, the person that makes everything easier for ME. instead he complained about the littlest things, stressing me out.

Daisy and Damian could not get along on anything and kept arguing with each other and then running to me like little kids telling on each other. I had to play referee just like a mother with two children. They kept telling me they were really “stressed” out about planning the party which i totally did NOT understand. it was a SMALL baby shower with less than 20 people. we had the place and the time set, we had the tables, chairs, food, and decorations set. Im sorry—was i missing something?? how could anyone be stressed out? It almost made me laugh–in irony that is. I planned my parents anniversary party with more than 200 guests ALL BY MYSELF. I didnt forget anything, and I didnt complain to anyone. Yes it was stressful, but i didnt act like a little sissy about it. I simply took charge and got things done.

I kept getting phone calls from Damian and Daisy asking about things they didnt need to worry me with. Daisy didnt even know where to get a cake. UMmmm…. a bakery perhaps?? She waited till the last minute even when i told her that if she wanted to put an order in she had to do it at least a few days before or during the day when they were open. well she waited until the night before when the bakery was closed already and so she had to pick what they had in the glass windows. I ended up with a plain purple chocolate cake with purple letters that said “its a girl.” what ticked me off was the way they wrote the letters. usually they make them cursive like and fancy. not on my cake. It was written in plain letters. nothing special.

I asked Daisy the day before if she had everything ready (she was in charge of the decorating and games.) she said yes, and i breathed a sigh of relief. well. THAT GIRL LIED.

The night before my baby shower i asked her if she had prizes for the games we would play. she said she forgot. So i bought some prizes.

Damian kept calling me trying to change the menu. he wanted a bar-B-Q even though he didnt want to pay for it or do any of the meat prepping or grilling. I had to remind him it was my baby shower, and we were going to have my favorite meal which was alot cheaper and easier to make. He was acting like it was his special day almost demanding we make what he wanted. When i told him i didnt want a cook out at my baby shower he said, “well ill think about it.” then he told me it was supposed to be a “surprise baby shower” anyway so i shouldnt even be aware of what we would be eating, as if trying to justify his “right” to impose on the menu. “how was it supposed to be a surprise when you told me from the beginning that you were going to make me a baby shower?!” i asked bewildered. He stuttered. I told him he was stressing me out and hung up on him. Then later he asked if we could add some ground meat to the meal we would have at the baby shower. I told him no. Again, He wasn’t offering to buy the meat, prep the meat, or cook the meat. he just seemed to want to make things difficult.

The next day I was supposed to pick up Daisy to go over to my cousins house and start decorating together (she wanted me to go with her since she was too shy to show up by herself at my cousins house.) Not only was i helping my mom prepare the food that morning, i also had to help Daisy decorate, which was stressing me out since i still had to go home and prepare the salads AND get myself ready for the party.

When i talked to Daisy right before picking her up, she let me know we would still need to stop at a few stores to get some things she still hadnt gotten. but we didnt have time anymore. she was supposed to have gotten everything before the day of the party. I suggested she go get everything before i got there. so she had her mom take her quickly. After i got to her house, her mom dropped her off and then left to a doctors appointment. Daisy got in my car and as we drove off, she realized she left ALL the bags of decorations she had just bought inside her moms car! “well call her!” i said alarmed. She said she also forgot her cell phone. She said we could do without those things for the moment and so we drove to my cousins house to start decorating with the things we did have.

Once there, she realized she forgot more things. we decorated the tables, and she blew a few balloons and threw them on the ground. I told her maybe we should tape them to the chairs, tables, or ceiling but she said no. She thought it would look prettier to have balloons all over the floor. but the wind was blowing them by the rose bushes, and my cousins dog kept chasing them too. some popped, and after blowing up five balloons, she was too tired to blow any more.

When i asked her what baby shower games we were doing she drew a blank. “I forgot…” she said smiling. So i reminded her which ones we had talked about, and asked if she had what we needed to play them. she didnt. so we had to go to the store quickly and buy some things last minute.

afterwards i dropped her off at her house. She told me she would take the decorations she left in her moms car and put them up as soon as she got to the party later.

I went home, put my salads together and then only had 20 minutes to get ready. I quickly ran a curling iron threw my bed head hair, and slapped on some make-up. soon my brother David and Derick got home. Derick was asking me what should he wear to my party. I gave him some ideas but it didnt dawn on me that he was gonna go to my baby shower. Then it hit me.

“WAIT. youre coming to my baby shower??” i asked him.

“yeah,” he said excitedly.

“uhhhh…Its just I cant have you and Damian both there. I would really love for you to be there but since i have to pick bewtween you guys, its only right i pick Damian since he was the one who planned my baby shower.”

You see, Derick had sex with Damians wife last summer. Damian hasnt forgiven Derick and cant stand being in the same room with him, even though they both work for my dad.

Derick insisted on going saying they see each other at work every day anyway. I felt bad telling my brother a straight out “no you cant go.” I mean hes my brother and I love him.  looked at my other brother for help. David looked like he felt just as bad to tell him no. so i said, “ok, well we will just be adults about this then.”

I let my sister in law know that Derick would be there, and she quickly alerted Damian. She called me a minute later saying Damian had “lost it.” and that he kept saying he was going to “do something.”

“you should talk to him,” she said in her meek voice.

I told my brother that if he was going to do something id prefer that hed stay home. I didnt want anyone being selfish and ruining my baby shower. He cursed me out, and told me to do whatever i wanted but that we were “all going to pay for it.”

I told my mom as soon as she got to our house, and she said she had a strong feeling that Damian was going to get drunk and come to the baby shower with a gun to kill Derick. So she quickly told Derick what Damian was saying and told him it was better if he didnt go. Derick agreed. I told him we could do a sprinkle baby shower next weekend with him. he smiled and said ok.

Then my mom got on her phone with Damian to calm him down. He was already drinking heavily and kept making threats.

When we got to my baby shower, there were only a few people there. I was still stressed out from the drama my brother was creating, and my hostess wasnt there yet so i had no one to lean on. My mom was talking to Damians wife who was telling her that two guys were holding Damian back from leaving his house but that he was really strong and they almost couldnt hold him back. He was also really drunk already. we had already told him Derick was not going to be there after all, but he didnt care. He still wanted to cause a scene.

Finnally Daisy arrived and i felt better thinking that my hostess would take care of things. I asked her if she brought the rest of the decorations. she said she forgot. I asked if she brought the doll for the baby hot potato game. she said she forgot. She also forgot her presents at home.

We were in the backyard setting up the cake on the table but it was freezing cold so i suggested maybe we move things inside. this seemed to tick her off. she said all her decorations would go to waste. The only decorations i saw were the table covers, the plates, some confetti, and candy. It took minutes to set up and it would take seconds to move inside. I wasnt sure what made her say “all” her decorations would go to waste.

Then I told her we would also need to move the cake table inside. She had a fit, threw her hands up in the air and walked away. my brother went after her. a minute later my cousins were helping bring everything inside.

everyone was starving, but Daisy wasnt taking charge of the food, and my mom wasnt there to help me–She was talking to Damian on her phone outside. So i prepared the food and let everyone know they could come serve themselves. David shook his head at me and said, “youre not supposed to be doing this–Daisy is.” In essence, yes she was supposed to do it…she was my hostess after all. but i was starting to feel that i had no hostess.

Soon everyone was sitting down eating. I sat down next to my brother David and Daisy and ate quietly. Daisy was also quiet. thankfully my cousins in front of us started talking about previous car accidents they had been in. weirdly enough i actually enjoyed hearing their stories. I badly wanted to focus on anything other than my baby shower.

A few minutes later i asked Daisy and David if we should cut the cake since everyone was almost done eating. they said i should wait.

A few minutes later one of my cousins was asking for cake. I looked at Daisy and told her they wanted cake already. She just shrugged her shoulders and looked away. “hey girl, aren’t you supposed to help me though?” I asked her. Again she shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

I understand she was probably dissapointed with how the party had turned out. There werent too many people and we had to move everything inside last minute. But I dont understand why she was taking it out on me.

So i got up thinking i was just going to have to do it myself. A few seconds later she got up and started cutting the cake and serving pieces to everyone. I was a little confused but didnt say anything.

my little cousin cheered me up with some funny youtube videos on her Ipad and it was nice to hear all my other cousins having a good time and laughing in the table next to us. At least the baby shower was proving to be a good time for the rest of my family.

a little while later Daisy came up to me and said she didnt really want to do any of the games since there werent too many people and she was kind of embarassed to get everyone’s attention. I knew there was enough people to play some games but i didnt want to push her to do something she didnt want to do. I told her it didnt matter to me. She said if i changed my mind to let her know. I wanted her to take charge and make it fun but knowing that she didnt want to do it, just ruined it for me. I was looking forward to the games so much. I had even bought expensive prizes. but now that was ruined too.

later my family started asking me to open my presents. I mustered the courage to look excited and happy. inside though i was really dissapointed in how things were turning out. I walked over to the table where the gifts were at. Daisy who was my hostess and shouldve came up to help me with the presents, just stayed on the couch with my brother. So i awkwardly started opening presents by myself. thankfully my nefu sat next to me and helped pass me the presents. it was a huge help especially with the bigger presents that i couldnt reach or carry on my own.

The presents I got were nice–clothes, crib bedding, a diaper bag, a baby bouncer, a high chair, pacifiers, ect. I loved all the minnie mouse things i received–I wonder if my brother told them I loved minnie mouse. I guess he mustve because I received alot of minnie mouse items! That was really cool. I also received a gift card from my little brother which was really awesome of him since i was really really hoping to get one to buy the last items i need for my baby.

after the presents, we all hung around, eating, laughing and talking. Honestly the last part of my baby shower was the best. I joked with my cousins that even if i delivered a boy, it was still going to be a “girl” to me because i have waaaay too many cute girl outfits already and im not letting them go to waste. That really made them laugh. honestly im never trying to be funny…im usually serious and people crack up at what i say. what really surprises me is when people laugh HARD at something i said. it almost scares me sometimes because im not saying things to make people laugh, and then all of a sudden my ears get shocked with this high pitch laughter from everyone. sometimes i do make a joke expecting a little smile. a twitch of the mouth maybe. but thats it. When people laugh really hard I wonder how they do it. I cant really laugh that hard. usually im like “ha…thats funny.”

Anyway, as the night progressed Daisy seemed to be in a better mood, and became the Daisy I know. She wouldnt let me lift a finger telling me i shouldnt do anything because im pregnant. She was being super sweet and her usual funny loud self. around 10 pm we said goodnight, i thanked everyone (who was still there) for coming, and of course i thanked my cousin for being gracious enough to let us have the baby shower at his house.

The baby shower was finnally over and i felt a sense of relief.

I almost feel like making a T-shirt that says “I SURVIVED MY BABY SHOWER.”

lol…but in all seriousness, at the end of the day none of this baby shower drama matters. the most important thing is that im alive, healthy, and awaiting the biggest miracle of life being created inside of me =) ImageImageImage

ImageImageImage

ImageImageImage

スマホエロス 無料エロ動画まとめ

無料でiphone、android対応のスマホエロ動画をまとめたサイトです。

MidwifeThinking

Dr Rachel Reed

Who Stole My Baby?

ramblings of an almost definitely insane person

Not Taken, Not Available

I got 99 problems, but a dick ain't one.

The Bronzaii Show

Showcasing news from around Planet Earth

Passion 'n Persistence

and the desire to continue

sarcasmsoapbox

Serving you sarcasm

MAMA RUSTICANA

a snarky skeptic navigating motherhood

Waiting For My Big Fat Belly

A two year journey to the best news ever!

Scribbling in Heels 2.0

Keeping the heels, ditching Blogspot.

Journey of a Player

A great WordPress.com site

The Derrick Family

-established in 2008-

Chapter three

Love, marriage, and (finally) motherhood

baby bottles and bubbly

an effervescent journey into mommyhood

The Woods

My Family's Journey