How being a mother changed me

14 Mar

I always heard other mothers say it, and I shrugged and wondered about that mysterious element of motherhood that changed women.

And then it happened to me.

suddenly I became a MUCH better driver (and i was a really crappy driver before ill have you know — ive driven on the wrong side of the road, almost ran over pedestrians, byclists, and mothers with babies, ran red lights, couldnt parallel park to save my life, made U-turns in prohibited areas, changed lanes suddenly without warning, and the list goes on. in case youre wondering, i did all that absentmindedly, hence the term “crappy driver” and not “bad to the bone driver”. Then again a part of me did feel bad to the bone when i would drive 100 mph just for fun (SERIOUSLY slap me. could there be anything more immature and stupid? I was 20 yrs old then and loved to burn tires anytime i was leaving a parking lot.) but alas, i have changed. Now I drive like im the chauffeur to an english royal. my too fast too furious days are a thing of the past.

Motherhood has changed me.

I have become waaay more interested in saving money than spending it. im finally becoming the financially responsible person all parents can be proud of! Ive always paid my bills, dont get me wrong, but i never actually saved any of my money.

The mall was always so alluring, and so were the by-weekly manicures.

now, all of that just doesnt seem as important as having money stocked away. yes, new stilletos and skinny jeans sound awesome but mOh-ney in the bank sounds even better! Its official:  My view on money has gotten a face lift.

 

Now, ive always appreciated my parents, but now, I REALLY appreciate them. its weird how motherhood will do that to you. Or who knows, it might be my specific situation. Ive never needed my parents more than i do now, and they have been absolutely wonderful, going above and beyond for me and my daughter.

by the way I will be moving back to my parents house soon. my dad wants me to be up there with them so my mom can help me out more. I really cant say no to the extra help (being a new mom is exhausting!) and I also dont mind living with my parents, as strange as that sounds. I love my parents, and I love living up in the country. some people hate the country life along with its “country bumpkins” but i find something so charming about it all. everyone knows everyone, and people are genuine. but what i like the most is that it feels like home. 

I also managed to get my car back last month right before my baby girl was born (yay!!) my family pitched in to help me get the money i needed. Im also getting disability and ill have it until June, which means I can stay home with my baby for at least two to three more months. ***I feel extremely blessed to be able to stay home with her.***

Even on days when i feel disgusting because i havent been able to shower, my hair is a knotted bun of greasiness, i have spit up on my shirt, and havent slept more than an hour or two, Im hungry and tired of eating granola bars, and i just want a break…I still look over at Layla and feel deep love for her.

I love her little giggle. I love how she stares at me and then fake cries with her arms extended up so i can carry her. shes such a smart little thing. I love her little side dimple, and how she cradles in my arm when i feed her.

I think about her dad every day. I wonder if he thinks about us. I wonder what his reaction would be like if he met her. He  emailed me recently asking about my due date. Hes emailed me about once every month since we broke up. Ive never answered back. Its hard, but I feel like I owe it to Layla to protect her. He threatened to take her away from me several times, and ever since, I just cant trust him with her.  It makes me sad though. I wish things were different but im not going to try to fit a circle into a square.

 

As far as love goes…the only love for me is my daughter. I dont see myself falling in love ever again. Layla is the queen of my heart.

 

 

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3 Responses to “How being a mother changed me”

  1. Valerie March 14, 2013 at 1:10 am #

    She is just beautiful! Yes, motherhood changes us in so many ways, doesn’t it? It’s the ultimate love story. xoxo

    • rainbows123 March 17, 2013 at 6:12 am #

      Thank you 🙂 it truly is the ultimate love story.

  2. Ine April 3, 2013 at 1:30 pm #

    She is gorgeous!!!! Congratulations on taking on the best and hardest but rewarding job of all – being a mother, teacher and BESTEST friend to your child 🙂 xx

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