Bed time stories with a twist of crazy

30 Mar

I’ve been a story teller for all my little brothers, nefus and cousins for as long as i can remember. Now, mind you its not anything serious or proffesional. In fact, its anything but serious or proffesional. but hey, its kids dont like serious or proffesional stuff anyway. (WARNING: some parts are a bit gruesome, but my audience has always been little boys, and boys love this stuff.)

The following is a story I made up for my two nefu’s tonight:

Once upon a time there was a small house that sat right on top of a very steep hill. No one ever went up there because rumor had it that it was haunted.

BUT IT WASNT.

One day a boy named Joseph decided to go up there and when he peeked through one of the windows he saw a huge party going on inside!! There were tons of people dancing, and millions of balloons everywhere!! People were eating tons of cakes, candy, and soda!

“It’s NOT haunted…” Joseph realized. “I bet they made everyone think that so no one would come and crash these cool parties!”

So Joseph decided to knock on the door and see if they would let him in.

They opened the door, and were like, “Whats up man! come in bro’! have some cake!”

So Joseph ate and partied and had the best time of his LIFE!

–That is until the food made everyone sick.

Suddenly everyone was running around throwing up everywhere!!

But Joseph was the sickest out of everyone–he was even throwing up through his EARS!

So someone called 911 for him.

“911 what is your emergency?”

“Uh, yes hi. we have a really sick boy at the house here on elderberry street and we need you to come quick!”

“–wait. did you say…elderberry street? do you mean 301 Elderberry street??!”

“Yes, please come quick!”

at that moment the 911 operator knew they were talking about the haunted house and she was like, “Oh hells no!” and hung up, got on her knees and prayed.

She was positive a ghost had called her.

so unfortunately no ambulance went up to help Joseph, and Joseph was getting worse !

everyone gathered around him and started saying their goodbyes to Joseph, “Goodbye Joseph! Goodbye!” when suddenly an eagle came flying down from the sky and broke through one of the windows and started circling on top of Josephs body.

–you guys remember the Lion King right? the part where simba was about to die and there were seagulls or something flying above him?– Ok, well this was something like that. except this eagle thought Joseph was dead already and wanted to EAT him!

The eagle started to poke at Joseph with its sharp beak. So everyone ran around finding things to throw at the eagle to get him off Joseph. they hit him with broom sticks and threw irons at him.

Then Joseph opened his eyes a little, and when he saw how everyone was coming to his defense, it gave him a strength he didnt know he had. in fact…it was almost like he had a super power! He got up and started fighting the eagle on his on as everyone stood back and watched.

You wouldnt beleive it…but Joseph ended up breaking the eagles neck in half and killing it!

— nefu interrupts my story to ask, “Isnt killing eagles illegal?”–

Exactly. thats why Joseph ended up going to jail. but ill get to that in a second.

So, right after Joseph broke the eagles neck, there was silence in the room, and then suddenly everyone started clapping  louder and louder–there was so much excitement in the room. people were whistling and saying things like “YEeeeeeah!!!” and “ALRIGHT JOSEPH!!!”

but as you all know, killing an eagle IS illegal so soon after all that excitement everyone heard police sirens right outside the house — the cops were there to take Joseph away.

Now you might wonder why the cops went up to the house despite the haunted house rumors right? well the thing is they were there last year for a party so they knew it wasnt haunted.

–nefu interrupts again. “I thought they went up there because cops are brave…”–

OH. well…yes! of course. it was also because they were so brave. In fact they were some of the bravest cops EVER.

So anyway, Joseph ended up going to jail–for about 13 years, in which time he learned to knit sweaters and sell them on Ebay.

But he went on to be a great legend and everyone talked about him for years.

The End.

“Okay, now close your eyes and go to sleep.”

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