IT TAKES ALOT OF BALLS

29 Jun

I realized something the other day..

 

I can write more freely in my personal diary vs the one here online…mostly because alot of things that happen in my life are too risky to write about. For example, Laylas dad emailed me two weeks ago. I cant go into details but basically I feel like im katie holmes and hes tom cruise. They are very smart and dangerous…we comunicated nicely though, no verbal attacks. People would be shocked though if they knew whats really going on…and who laylas dad really is.

But enough about that. a few days ago I had SUCH  bad day and meant to blog about it but of course didnt have time.

It started the night before when my mom brought up bad memories of me and laylas dad, I guess in an effort to remind me and ensure I never go back. Ive told her many times that I would never do that and to please not bring up bad memories because they really hurt me. she does it anyway. You see as bad as things were I dont hate him, because if I hated him I would be hurting myself. So I went to sleep sad after everything my mom told me.

The next day, I drove to work with layla, feeling overwhelmed with all the work that awaited me, and all the other things I mentally had to schedule. As soon as I got to work I got in trouble for parking in the wrong spot. then the fax machine wouldnt work and I had to get some faxes sent out imeadiatly. I had a stack of work I was behind on and layla was being difficult. I was so stressed out and tried not to cry. I try so hard doing two jobs at the same time but its reeeeally overwhelming! Then I had to rush home at 2 pm for my bible study. The person who studies with me is so nice. I think shes one of the few people that understands me. She hand crocheted a bib for layla in mint color-i loved it!

After she left, I had to do laundry, changed laylas diaper again, feed her, play with her, and write down a to-do list and reminders. I also took layla a bath. I barely have time to eat. Usually im wolfing down the food before she starts to cry again.

I never watch a full show or movie anymore. I just get snipets here or there. There is no “me time”. On top of everything im worried about laylas dad, I have to read a book for laylas health and well being, and I am planning a beach party.

It takes alot of balls to live in my shoes. Just sayin.

 

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2 Responses to “IT TAKES ALOT OF BALLS”

  1. curatedknowledge June 30, 2013 at 12:40 am #

    Sounds like you are doing an absolutely incredible job, and don’t give yourself enough credit. You sound like a fantastic mum, you’re doing every thing you can to provide for her, smashing out your domestic duties as best you can and looking after yourself spiritually. I can totally get the hectic nature of what you have going on around you. But consider there are those who live their lives not giving a toss about the people and the relationships they have, giving their kids a spiritual education and being a sterling example of a human being [even whilst having someone to help with the load].Remember that you’re awesome! And will continue to be for your daughter!

    • rainbows123 July 9, 2013 at 5:58 am #

      Gosh! Thank you so much!! This was incredibly sweet of you. I so appreciate the uplifting words 🙂 I really needed this.

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