Tag Archives: babies


3 Aug

I haven’t written in a long while — which makes me feel bad because there’s SO much going on in my life and i want to write it all down before i forget it forever. then i end up telling a story where i cant remember what really happened. See this is why couples end up with different stories 20 years later! he thinks theyve been married 23 years and she insists its 25 (although I would lean more towards believing a woman since were more peculiar about important dates.)

But where oh where is the time when youre a single full-time working mother?? I barely have time to eat sometimes!

Anyway, I want to document something special about Layla…

She will be 6 months old soon, and she is the most amazing little human being i have ever met. It feels wonderful that I get to see her every day if only for a few hours. It was hard leaving her with my mom, and not getting to see her all day. At first I felt mad at the universe and thought, “I cant even raise my own damn daughter.” I was just pissed that other moms get to see there babies all day, and unfortunately I cant because I have to work. But I came to terms with it. I accept it now and Im just happy I have someone very special to come home to. Plus I know Layla is well taken care of with my mom and she really LOVES my mom — she always get sooooo happy when she hears my moms voice.

Shes lost some of her baby fat since i started pumping. I realized i was over producing and over feeding her.  I think she also stretched out a little. I know babies get cuter as they get bigger and I dont know if its just motherly love but i just think Layla is gorgeous. her little face just takes my breath away. especially in the mornings when i wake up next to her and shes sleeping like a little diva.

she gets a ton of attention every time we go out somewhere — people just go nuts over her! strangers just seem to fall in love with her. my brother actually told me –get this— “I dont know how you did it but you have the cutest baby in the world.” well thanks for the insult/compliment haha!

My dad just loves her to pieces. shes his pride and joy.

Layla can now turn over rapidly, has two bottom teeth, and loves grasping objects.  She’s a very bright girl. When she wants to be carried, she doesnt cry — she fake coughs. being her mom, i know when shes really coughing and when shes not. she sounds like a really bad actress and makes these face expressions as if she hopes im buying it. when i lean over her and pretend to worry, she stops and then fake coughs a little more. As soon as i carry her I notice a little smile on her face and i chuckle a little, to which she just full out starts laughing like she knows what she did!

Her hair has grown so much i actually had to cut it. I kept it in a little plastic bag. Im not very sentimental to things like hair or teeth but for some reason I just couldnt throw away her hair! ugh. Im officially a mom i guess. *snorts

Can you believe megan fox is preggo again????! what!!! you hear of all these other stars waiting until theyre 30 and 40 to finally have children but not megan fox. I guess shes not as vain as she seems huh?

Im actually excited about my friends getting pregnant now! I couldnt care less before I was a mom. I mean, sure it was cool “someone was going to have a baby”. BUT NOW its like “OMYGOD!!! YOURE PREGNANT!!! LOL!!!” *tears

why am i so emotional about that? sheesh i weird myself out.

Im still breastfeeding, even though Ive gotten plugged ducts twice and mastitis once. hey im the first in my family to breastfeed so im learning as i go. ive learned though that pure cranberry juice from a health store is a breast feeding mothers best friend 🙂 drink that at the first signs of a plugged duct and youll be just fine.

Oh and layla has tried biting me while i nurse her but i just push her face against my boob for a second so she cant breath and she releases her chompers right away. problem solved.

I have to say the first few months of being a new mom are HARD but its finally getting to the point where i am just THRILLED to be a mom.



Precious Moments

2 Jul

I just want more time to love my baby. I love laying with her on my bed breastfeeding her with the window open and the cool breeze blowing in (i live in a rural area and dont have neighbors.) As she lays next to me, she has one arm behind her head, completely relaxed and her other little hand clutches my breast as if to make sure no one takes her food from her. Her little legs are slightly crossed, her tiny toes touching my legs. Her skin is so baby soft and smooth. I love to take her little hand and run my fingers over it sometimes. Its amazing how small her hand is compared to mine. But its more than that. I marvel at how beautiful her little fingers are. I just love them.
I kiss her forehead gently as she starts to fall asleep while nursing. Sometimes I sing the itsy bitsy spider to her, but I forget the words and end up humming it.
I really need to learn the words to these nursery songs haha.
Work was hectic today just because layla is teething and was screaming/crying all day at the office. I was on the phone with our computer tech when she started crying so loud that I could no longer hear him. I apologized, and then quickly hung up. I didnt even wait for him to say good bye. I decided to take her home early and we watched a movie together at home- Some country movie with gwyneth paltrow and leighton meester. It was pretty sad…made me cry at the end. But hey at least I got to watch a whole movie today!
Hopefully layla has a better day tommorow-she seemed like she was in alot of pain today, poor thing. I hope her two bottom teeth cut through soon-shes gonna look so cute with her lil chompers haha!


Getting our outfits ready for work in the morning


Her first doll


My lil sunshine


29 Jun

I realized something the other day..


I can write more freely in my personal diary vs the one here online…mostly because alot of things that happen in my life are too risky to write about. For example, Laylas dad emailed me two weeks ago. I cant go into details but basically I feel like im katie holmes and hes tom cruise. They are very smart and dangerous…we comunicated nicely though, no verbal attacks. People would be shocked though if they knew whats really going on…and who laylas dad really is.

But enough about that. a few days ago I had SUCH  bad day and meant to blog about it but of course didnt have time.

It started the night before when my mom brought up bad memories of me and laylas dad, I guess in an effort to remind me and ensure I never go back. Ive told her many times that I would never do that and to please not bring up bad memories because they really hurt me. she does it anyway. You see as bad as things were I dont hate him, because if I hated him I would be hurting myself. So I went to sleep sad after everything my mom told me.

The next day, I drove to work with layla, feeling overwhelmed with all the work that awaited me, and all the other things I mentally had to schedule. As soon as I got to work I got in trouble for parking in the wrong spot. then the fax machine wouldnt work and I had to get some faxes sent out imeadiatly. I had a stack of work I was behind on and layla was being difficult. I was so stressed out and tried not to cry. I try so hard doing two jobs at the same time but its reeeeally overwhelming! Then I had to rush home at 2 pm for my bible study. The person who studies with me is so nice. I think shes one of the few people that understands me. She hand crocheted a bib for layla in mint color-i loved it!

After she left, I had to do laundry, changed laylas diaper again, feed her, play with her, and write down a to-do list and reminders. I also took layla a bath. I barely have time to eat. Usually im wolfing down the food before she starts to cry again.

I never watch a full show or movie anymore. I just get snipets here or there. There is no “me time”. On top of everything im worried about laylas dad, I have to read a book for laylas health and well being, and I am planning a beach party.

It takes alot of balls to live in my shoes. Just sayin.



I Got Pulled Over By A Cop

9 Jun

He was right behind me as I pulled into the exit I take to go home.  I was going at the speed limit required when suddenly I see the red and blue lights flashing behind me. my jaw dropped open in astonishment. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN ME! what did i do?? I couldn’t pull over because we were reaching a curve so he used his loud speaker to tell me to pull over after the curve. When he came up to my window he asked what was going on with my registration — my stickers were expired. Ohhhhh...that. 


Somehow I always feel like Im going to be taken to jail when I get pulled over. When I was 5, I thought the cops came to  my house looking to take me to jail because I had stolen a small candy at the store. I quickly ran and hid under my bed and prayed to Jesus. They were there to ask questions about some neighbors. Im just paranoid I guess.

Anyway the cop gave me a “fix it ticket”. I guess thats not such a bad thing. It doesnt sound so bad anyway. I just have to fix it right? I swear though, he must’ve been bored. Cops get bored up in this small town. He was so bored he noticed my sticker. ugh. but whatever I guess I’ll get my registration fixed. Honestly though I have no luck with cops!  I suck at getting out of tickets! Like, how do other girls do it???


Anyway, Laylas swing stopped working because the batteries went dead. As I changed them out while she sat in her swing, a huge D size battery fell and hit my foot. OW ! that hurt! but my mom who was standing by just said, “Oh, Im glad it didn’t hit Layla. You should be more careful — you could’ve hit her!” I got a little annoyed that no one cared about my hurt foot. “yes I know, Ill be more careful…” I said in a sullen voice. I dont want to feel this way, but gosh no one cares if my foot gets hit by a 10 pound battery??? You know I am still alive people ! I feel things too!

Layla started teething FOR SURE this week. Shes been munching on her fingers and drooling. I really think the amber necklace is working though — She had been so grumpy and fussy for days. then I put the necklace on her and WU-ALA! she’s back to her smiley happy self. She seems to be in discomfort at times but overall its a big improvement from past days. If you’re not familiar with the amber necklace, its a natural analgesic that releases succinic acid through the amber beads when the heat of your body touches them. Its a natural pain reliever. Recently Miranda Kerr’s son was seen wearing an Amber necklace. Isnt he cute?? In my opinion he had no choice with the parents he has!


After work yesterday I stopped by the little grocery store close to where I live to buy Layla some teething toys. She didnt have any toys until now because it seemed like a waste of money. So it felt kind of special to buy her some toys for the first time. We must’ve stood in front of all the baby toys forever trying to choose the best ones. I wanted to get Layla a cute sippy cup but I held myself back –shes not there yet. the time will come for sippy cup shopping.



showing off her two-pack

I chose a ring of colorful keys, and a pink teething rattle. As I stood in line to pay, the guy behind me looked me in the eye and asked how my day was. It was refreshing for a stranger to ask me, I’ll admit. But then again thats how people are in this small town — very friendly. When I saw him limping on a leg I just had to ask what happened. Turns out he fell out of a moving vehicle going at 40 MPH. His foot looked black and purple, and his arms and shoulders were badly hurt, but the blood looked like it had dried up already. His girlfriend laughed it off — she was the one driving. Soon everyone joined in the conversation — the tall obese bearded man and his obese wife wearing a low cut tank top standing in our line, the tan guy with the piercings, the lady with a small child in front of me, and the check out ladies. The guy with the piercings made jokes that he should stop saying he fell out of a car and just admit his girlfriend beat him. ha ha…I love my small little town.


“OMYGossssh…what is this marvelous thing?!”

When I got home my mom put some tequila on Laylas gums to soothe her. It worked really well. Layla was happy after that. I was going to use hylands teething tablets but after the news that came out about recalls I just dont feel good about using them anymore — even if the recall problem was ‘fixed’. Tequila is typically used in mexico to soothe babies gums when their teething. I am not thrilled to use Tequila but it beats using the hyland tablets.

I think she’s on the verge of making sounds. Today she looked at me and said, “Ahgoo..” She seemed pretty proud of herself. I cant wait till she says “mama” !!!


you wouldn’t believe it but a friend actually told me the other day, “I know how you must feel. you do so much — you work and take care of your baby.” She nodded her head and looked at me compassionately. I hadn’t even told her what I was going through and she said that to me! I felt like something was lifted off of me just hearing her sympathetic words. It was just a few simple words…but they revitalized me. Someone knew what I was feeling and acknowledged it. That is all I wanted.


Me and Layla leaving for work in the morning

Last night something freaky happened —or should I say early this morning at 2 am. I was up feeding Layla and going through the local news on my phone *which by the way I got a Galaxy S ll!!! so excited –the camera is incredible!!! anyway, I read that Richard Ramirez died from health complications in jail. I didnt know who he was until I came across that news article. Turns out he was the most feared serial killer in southern California in the 80’s. He is super freaky looking and so is the woman who later married him while he was in jail. I got chills reading everything about him. Maybe I shouldn’t be reading this at 2 am I thought to myself. But I was intrigued. How did I not know about this infamous serial killer ? A few minutes later my dog started barking loudly. It was strange for her to bark inside the house at 2 am. Shes usually asleep on the couch until the morning.

I opened the door to my room, and saw her barking at something in the hallway close to my door. But there was nothing there. She looked scared so I let her come in my room. she walked around my room looking unsettled. I rubbed her tummy to calm her. Still she breathed heavily with her tounge out and her chest heaving. Id never seen her like this. she looked really scared. to be honest I felt a little bit of chills too. I got up and turned my lamp on and looked for my bible. As soon as I started reading Psalms out loud, my dog seemed to calm down and fell asleep within a few minutes.

I dont know what all that was about but I dont think I should read about serial killers at 2 am anymore.

My parents and I are going to visit people we know from our old home town tomorrow. I haven’t been back in years. So its a little nerve wrecking. Somehow there was always a rumor about me floating around. And then I gave people things to talk about too– which only made things worse. When one person let out the gossip that I was pregnant last year, it went around like a forest fire. Which I was not pleased about but I just shrugged it off. I guess I would be proud if I had been married and pregnant but I was, and still am, single. I didn’t want their pity.

Anyway I am not thrilled about facing the crowd as a single mom. It makes me feel like a failure. They’ll all be looking at what Im wearing and how I look post baby and wondering why Im single. But you know what? Who cares if they look down on me. I’ll just focus on the people who are genuinely happy to see me. I know I dont have to go but I know my dad wants me and my baby to go and I want him to be happy. Im pretty sure he just wants to show Layla off ha ha.


Life of a Single Mom

27 Apr

Oh.My.GOD. have I been busy…

My parents left for a trip to Colorado this week, so Ive been holding down the fort.

Awww aren’t they cute??

Denver CO.

I’ve been cooking, cleaning, taking my brother to school, grocery shopping, and organizing the kitchen, taking care of Layla, changing her diapers, feeding her, and playing with her. Dont get me wrong —I love being a mom, and I love doing all these things, but DEAR LORD Its exhausting when you dont get a break! Why dont moms get PAID?? I can honestly say there is WAY more work to be done when you’re a mom than with any regular job. Of course some moms dont actually do the work, but I do. I just dont liked doing anything “half-assed” you know?? I dont want to ever be “mediocre” at something I could’ve been great at. That being said you can bet your two dollars I try my best to be a “Pinterest type-Mom”. I love cooking, and decorating and making pretty things. I just like to put smiles on peoples faces. annnnd ok..I love the compliments.

Anyway, last night I was watching American Idol (MY FAVORITE SHOW evaaaa *makes excited hand gestures*) I gotta say though, this years AI is a little boring (shrug) but its like pizza…even when its not that good, its still good.

The top 4 contestants from left to right: Candace, Angie, Kree, Amber.

I was feeding Layla and watching the show when Amber started singing. Layla stopped eating, and almost didnt blink. She had this look on her face like, “Oh my god… wait. what am I hearing?” She was really captured by Ambers ‘Celion Dion’ number.

I have a good feeling Layla will be singing as soon as she learns how to talk. Her grandma (on her dads side) has an amazing voice, her dad has an amazing voice (he got signed by a record label right before we broke up), my parents have great singing voices, and well…Ive been told I can sing well too. My little brother has told me I should audition for American Idol.

Today on our way to his school, he heard me singing bruno mars’ new song “when I was your man” and said, “wow you can really hit those high notes!” I’ve always loved singing, I just never thought I was really any good at it, but maybe I was wrong. maybe Im not that bad. Still though, I woudnt ever audition for American Idol. Im happy singing in my car and focusing on my other dreams.

All Im gonna say on American Idol is that I love Angie, and Amber. Candace can REALLY sing, but shes just not my favorite. Kree is so country sweet, and she has pipes as well, but honestly I wouldn’t listen to her music. Just not my style. I love Ambers confidence, and bravado. GET IT GIRL. but seriously I second Keith urbans comment…someone needs to drop the mic stand, or jump around a little. Its too stale. They just stand and sing. C’mon, shake it up ladies, we wanna be entertained. As far as the judges go, I know Nicki is crazy but she entertains me (“Hold up honey bubu child”) and Mariah is effortlessly elegant when she speaks. I love it.

changing the topic…I NEED A VACATION. a mani-pedi, a spa, a massage — ANYTHING.  I’m just so exhausted from today. This is what my day went like:

7:00 am –wake up, change Laylas Diaper, feed her. brush my teeth, get myself ready, pack my bag with Laylas stuff.

8:00 am –Got my baby in her bunny winter suit, put her in the car and drove my little brother to school.

Not a happy bunny =/

9:00 am –went grocery shopping for a few items at my local grocery store with Layla.

10:00 am–got home, put groceries away, fed Layla.

11:00 am–changed Laylas Diaper, fed her again.

12:00 pm–Put Layla in the car, and drove to the next city to get more groceries (I put babyface on “every time I close my eyes” and it seems to be a hit with Layla–she goes to sleep when I play that song and I get to drive stress free all the way to the next town. Thank you babyface.)

1:00 pm –I arrive at wally-world. time to do some more grocery shopping in between carrying Layla in my arms and pushing the shopping cart because I forgot my sling and she wont stay in her car seat without screaming. helloooo motherhood.

2:00 pm– we are done and I head over to the Lowes parking lot where I meet up with two people who are interested in my items that I put up for sale on good ol’ craigslist. (In case you didnt know I’m a craigslister. Oh yeah. I can hustle baby.)

She melts my heart..

3:00 pm– Items were sold and Im ready to head back home (I had fed Layla while I waited for the interested buyers to arrive, and had some beautiful moments with my little pumpkin. I seriously LOVE when she stares right at me and smiles. My heart wants to burst open with happiness.)

4:00 pm– I arrive home, put groceries away, clean the dish washer full of gunk, clean out both freezers, throw out the garbage, start making dinner, feed Layla twice, and then FINALLY get to settle down 4 hours later.

8:00 pm– Dinners ready. Its a late dinner but no ones going to complain. Ive been bustin’ my butt all day!  My little brother tells me its the “best chicken” hes ever had. I would’ve settled for “good” but “best chicken” hes ever had was pretty nice to hear. Its a recipe I made up with some of my favorite ingredients. I’ll probably make a blog with the recipe soon.

Now, Im on Pinterest looking at recipes and other things, as well as blogging, and facebooking a little. THIS is my “spa”, my “get away” if you will. And yet my little brothers keep coming in my room interrupting my little vacation time…ugh lol.

My other 17 year old brother just told me about all the fun things he’ll be doing this weekend and the next weekend and the next….

party, concert, camping, fun college event, SixFlags, ect.

Sounds nice…..sigh. *insert sad face*

I miss having fun. At the moment though I have alot on my plate.

My dad wants me to help my mom with organizing the house. My mom has a great personality and she’s beautiful (a classic beauty with breath taking eyes) but doing “house wife tasks” isnt really her thing. On the other hand, I actually enjoy home decorating, organizing and cooking. Currently our kitchen cabinets are a mess. completely disorganized and full of all kinds of crap. So of course I said I would take over and whip it right into shape. I just wish I had more time to do it! Its a big project.

Basically I am going to make our house look as perfect as a magazine home. I get excited about turning a house into something that looks like a model home but re-organizing and re-modeling a home, while cleaning, cooking, doing laundry and taking care of a two month old is exhausting. still, Im killing myself because I know when my parents get back from their trip my dad will expect to have left seeing the “before” and come back to see the “after”. I dont want to dissapoint him.

On monday I start work again!!– I took my dads offer. I’ll be working with my sister in the office. My dad even said I could bring Layla to work so I bought an extra swing and put it in the office already. I know its a little weird to walk into an office and see a baby swing but hey, my dad suggested it. He probably just wants to see his granddaughter more lol. I dont blame him.

What Makes A Good Parent?

19 Apr

I started thinking about this the other day, after a few people repeatedly made it seem as if I must be competing for the hunger games. There is no going back. I have embarked in the race of…motherhood. “You’ll be alright,” they tell me in a reassuring mother tone, “I know it must be tough” “you’re doing a good job mama”  “You’re going to do ok.”

I cant help but notice a trace of concern in their voice and the look of will power in their eyes as if encouraging to keep going.

UM. Im sorry, have I missed something? I dont understand what I should be worried about. Am I supposed to be worried about being a good mom? or learning how to do this ‘parenting thing’? it never crossed my mind until everyone started making it seem as if I should be a ball of nerves.

So then, I guess maybe Im the weird one. Maybe its normal to be a ball of nerves and question whether youre doing a good job as a parent. Im not trying to sound cocky…I just never even knew that parents would worry about this kind of stuff! Also I dont believe in worrying. I think its a waste of time. I believe in being proactive. If theres a problem, fix it. end of story.

I dont question my ability to be a good parent for the following reasons:

1. The most important thing you can ever do in your childs life is LOVE them. hug them, kiss them, laugh with them. Love is essential in raising a healthy well balanced adult.

2.  RESEARCH. Im on google all the time. If I had a boyfriend, his name would be Google. And Im all googly-eyed for him. OK, Ill stop. But seriously, as a mother you cant just let things slide because you ‘didnt know better’. we are in the age of Google–you cant use that excuse anymore. Ive researched things such as formula vs breast milk, organic formula and how to make it yourself (the rest is pretty harmful) vaccinations (oooh wee I wont even get started with that one, but I wish more people knew just how harmful they really are. one word: mercury. its in all the vaccines. If you dont know what mercury is look it up and then tell me if you would willingly inject that into your precious bundle of joy.) and the list goes on and on on subjects I research. Being a good parent means researching everything and anything that can have an effect in your childs life. Question everything.

3. Know the difference between pumping your kid up with healthy self esteem and creating an ego-tistic monster who thinks the world revolves around him. Also, knowing when to use dicipline and how. Dont know? There’s books on all these subjects.

4. Teach them the importance of money and saving early on. Im not just talking a piggy bank here. Only lesson theyll get from that is finding a hammer to break it when the ice cream truck comes by. No, Im talking about teaching them how to budget even at a young age. for example, If they get $5 a week, they have to learn they can only spend $2, save $2, and donate $1. If they want a big toy, but spent all their money on other things, a lesson will be taught.

5. Look for any talents or skills they posses and help them hone them early on. Do they like painting? drawing? dancing? music? put them in a class, or have a personal tutor help them. Like they say…Do what you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.

6. Make sure the people you entrust your child with are actually people who will treat your child well, and who you are certain wont hurt your child in any way. If this isnt possible, make sure you teach your child self defense.

Layla wanted to hang out with me in the front seat while we waited for a friend.

Layla wanted to hang out with me in the front seat while we waited in the car. Shes such a momas girl 😉

Something that also makes me feel comfortable parenting is the fact that I grew up taking care of my little brothers, and I pretty much raised the last one. I also ran a small daycare when I lived in Texas.

Its weird but I actually feel like this is my second child since I raised my younger brother. I will admit there are mistakes you make with the first ones that you learn from. I was 17 when I was raising my 4 year old brother. I went a little over board in making him feel special and taking him everywhere (think amusement parks, zoo, ice cream, movies, toy store, ect.) and buying him toys every other weekend (my parents didnt have time for any of that and I didnt want him to miss out on a fun child hood.) I didnt think I was spoiling him back then, until he grew up and thought he just “deserved” things, and money grew on trees. Uh-oh….I knew I was to blame. the good thing is it wasnt too late.

My little brother and I hanging out at Wal-Mart. I was 17 and he was 4 in this picture.

Ive always been so proud of my baby brother.

He’s 14 now and is starting to learn the value of earning things (my dad has him take care of our animals early each morning. If he does his job well then my dad will give him something hes been wanting like a laptop, piano, gameboy DS, ect.) Its funny because at first he hated looking after the goats and chickens. He would forget to go down to the barn, and my dad would be pissed that the animals weren’t fed. Then my brother complained to me that my dad didnt pay him anyway so why should he do it. “he doesnt pay you anymore,” I reminded him,”because you werent doing a good job.” He stayed quiet, and after that he seemed to start waking up on time to feed the animals. He also wasnt very giving unless he was getting something back, as of recently.  I would ask for help with something and he would say, “Whats in it for me?” LOL…this kid. When he saw there was nothing in it for him he declined. Well a few weeks ago he was dying to use my computer. I kept saying no. Finally I said he could use it but only for 30 minutes. I actually would’ve let him use it longer but I wanted him to appreciate my gesture. at the end of the 30 minutes minutes he got up, smiled and said, “Thanks.” As he walked out of my room, I told him, “Sometimes when you do something nice for someone, you dont get something back right away…but eventually that person will do something nice for you in return.” He stopped at the door way, threw his head up a little as if reflecting, said, “ahhhh” and then walked away. He will now randomly ask me if I need help with something, and never complains when I ask him to do something for me. Even as kids get older, there’s always a lesson that can be taught to mold them into the adults you want them to become.

You might say the lesson I taught him was faulty because I didnt teach him to be selfless. I taught him to still expect something after a nice gesture. While that may be true, Im happy to reach some progress. Rome wasn’t built in a day after all.

As far as my little brother being well balanced, I have to say hes the most well balanced kid I know. Im so proud of him. He is easily liked by everyone. He can make fun of himself, relate to anyone, and he always has something to say about any subject. Teachers, kids, and people of all ages love him.

When he was about 5 years old he used to love for me to tell him the story of when he was born. I would over-dramatize the whole thing and tell him that the day he was born the world stopped. “everyone looked at each other and shouted, ‘DION is here!!!!’ Im talking people all over the world. then fireworks went off everywhere, even up in space!!! There hadnt been flowers for a while, but once you were born, there were colorful flowers coming out everywhere! God smiled the day you were born. and you know what else? You were born with a brain too big for your head. its true. Its because you’re so smart. only geniuses are born with big brains like that.” My 5 year old brothers eyes would light up with that story. I praised him on his homework (which he only got a+’s on, and his test scores, which he always scored above average.) I told him he was special, and smart, and awesome as much as possible. Looking back now, I know I over did it. lol…but at least the kid has a healthy self esteem now. Ill go a little more easy on Layla though. I now know, youre only supposed to praise them when they do good things, not ‘just because they’re alive’. They have to grow up knowing they have to work for things, even praises. otherwise they grow up feeling entitled. and yes, my little brother went through that phase. Thank goodness we worked on that.

I had to take the “I’m a privileged rich kid” mentality out of his head. I made him think my parents were barely hanging on financially. Its for his own good. No kid should ever adopt that mentality. If you teach them to expect less, they’re more grateful for whatever they get. And let me tell ya, nothings worse than an ungrateful child. Nothing.

I think being a good parent is not that hard. I’ve made mistakes but that doesn’t make me a bad parent. it makes me human.

I realize I will not be a perfect parent, and I also will not have a perfect child.

Ill make mistakes, and she’ll make mistakes. With that in mind, lets accept them, learn from them and move on. Why strive to be something we are not? Lets just strive to be the best we can be, slap a lot of love on that sandwich and call it a day.


this is us before leaving to her doctors appointment. She now weighs 13.4 pounds at 2 months. She’s reached all her mile stones for being 8 weeks, and Im really proud of her! shes such a bright girl.

Sickos and Helicopter Parents

14 Apr

This has been a day full of nice surprises with Layla. I LOVE when she does something new!!

This morning I was woken up by Laylas tugs and cries (we co-sleep) but I was so sleepy that I didnt wake up until a little bit after all her fussing. finally I opened my eyes nice and wide. as I looked down at my side, I see this tiny face suddenly stop in mid cries, and smile up at me with twinkle-y eyes. It’s as if she was thinking, “Yaaay! my mommy is awake now!” It was so cute!

She smiled so much at me today it was incredible! She also started smiling when I kissed her bare belly. I think shes finally becoming more ticklish. And Im sure I am THIS close to hearing her giggle soon! I cant wait. I love seeing her smile! It makes my day.

Sometimes I just stare and stare at her. I cant explain how much I love her little face. I love her so much I dont mind wiping her spit up, or changing her poop explosions.

The other morning though I did scream, but only because I wasnt expecting to wake up next to a poop explosion. I lazily looked over to my side, and smiled at my little pumpkin. Then I patted her little butt, and thought to myself, “Time to change her diaper, Im sure its just a wet one.” When suddenly my eyes caught sight of the mustard looking stuff all over her back and on my bed spread. Im not lying.. I probably looked like this:

and then I began screaming, “OH….MY…GAWD!!!” and “GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!” over and over.

A few minutes later as I walked out to the living room with my freshly cleaned pumpkin in tow, I saw my mom sitting at the table calmly eating her breakfast. shes used to my screams. She knows Layla either puked all over me, or pooped all over me. She tells me I should try not to scream because I might scare the baby. I know shes right but its so hard not to when youre covered in any sort of slime. But I love Layla regardless. Im usually giving her tons of kisses right after. Then she looks up and smiles at me like she thinks its all very funny.

This morning I took her grocery shopping with me. Someone asked if she was a few days old–shes actually going to be two months tomorrow. Boy, if i had a dime for every time someone tells me how fast kids grow up, “–and by the time you know it theyre 18 and youre wondering what happened!” it seems like every stranger likes to tell me that exact line. but im thankful because hearing it really does make me appreciate every single day with Layla as a baby.

As I stood in the check out lane, I noticed some confusion going on with the cashier and the little old lady in front of me. finally they got it straightened out. the little old lady in front of me laughed with the middle aged cashier telling her they made a good team. She then turned to me and said, “I always come to her lane, because Im old and i am always messing up somehow, but then she messes up worse than me and always makes me feel better!” They both let out a hearty laugh. I couldn’t help joining in their laughter and also thinking about how old people always teach us something. theres huge comfort in knowing other peoples faults. especially when they are so accepting of them. its like a breath of fresh air and a reminder that we don’t have to feel so bad for not being perfect.

anyway as I was standing there in line, a tall young guy walked in and smiled at me, then made a passing comment on how tiny my baby was. I politely smiled back. a minute later, hes at the check out stand in front of me. (wow fast shopper.) As he is leaving, he just stares and smiles at me. not at my baby, but at me. sorta weird.

I finish paying and Im walking outside when I bump into the little old lady again as she was putting her groceries in her car and making kissy faces at her little poodle dog. “What a cutie!” I said, in reference to her dog. “Oh yours too! let me see her face.” So i walked back over to her and showed her Laylas face. “OH, shes beautiful…” she said breathlessly shaking her head left and right. Then of course she told me about how they grow up too fast and become teenagers. soon after, we bid each other a good day, and as I turned to walk away my eye caught sight of that same tall young guy Id seen in the store. He was in his car just watching me. It gave me a really weird vibe. As I backed out of the parking lot and drove by his car, I could feel him staring, so I looked, and he was smiling and waved goodbye. but in a slow-motion type of way.

I drove away thinking, “Oh my god, what if hes some kind of killer or psycho?” Or who knows maybe hes just a friendly guy who thinks he looks charming when he actually looks creepy. Maybe im paranoid but small mountain towns are known to have some weird people living in them. or maybe thats just what movies make us beleive. Im just glad Layla will have a safe yard to play in when she gets older since we dont have neighbors at my parents house.

The other day I was watching the news and it made me sick to know that a six year old girl was taken by a young guy in broad daylight right out of her front yard where she was playing, and was raped in a nearby empty lot. I will NEVER leave my little girl in a yard by herself. Oh hells no. too  many sickos out there. Im even careful with friends and family since usually most rape victims say they knew their attacker. I thank God I was never in any kind of situation like that, but my mother took good care of me. she didnt even let me sleep over at friends houses, even when I whined and complained. I now want to look after my little girl the same way.

Of course in moderation. I dont want to be a helicopter parent either.

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