Tag Archives: food

MOMMY TALK

3 Aug

I haven’t written in a long while — which makes me feel bad because there’s SO much going on in my life and i want to write it all down before i forget it forever. then i end up telling a story where i cant remember what really happened. See this is why couples end up with different stories 20 years later! he thinks theyve been married 23 years and she insists its 25 (although I would lean more towards believing a woman since were more peculiar about important dates.)

But where oh where is the time when youre a single full-time working mother?? I barely have time to eat sometimes!

Anyway, I want to document something special about Layla…

She will be 6 months old soon, and she is the most amazing little human being i have ever met. It feels wonderful that I get to see her every day if only for a few hours. It was hard leaving her with my mom, and not getting to see her all day. At first I felt mad at the universe and thought, “I cant even raise my own damn daughter.” I was just pissed that other moms get to see there babies all day, and unfortunately I cant because I have to work. But I came to terms with it. I accept it now and Im just happy I have someone very special to come home to. Plus I know Layla is well taken care of with my mom and she really LOVES my mom — she always get sooooo happy when she hears my moms voice.

Shes lost some of her baby fat since i started pumping. I realized i was over producing and over feeding her.  I think she also stretched out a little. I know babies get cuter as they get bigger and I dont know if its just motherly love but i just think Layla is gorgeous. her little face just takes my breath away. especially in the mornings when i wake up next to her and shes sleeping like a little diva.

she gets a ton of attention every time we go out somewhere — people just go nuts over her! strangers just seem to fall in love with her. my brother actually told me –get this— “I dont know how you did it but you have the cutest baby in the world.” well thanks for the insult/compliment haha!

My dad just loves her to pieces. shes his pride and joy.

Layla can now turn over rapidly, has two bottom teeth, and loves grasping objects.  She’s a very bright girl. When she wants to be carried, she doesnt cry — she fake coughs. being her mom, i know when shes really coughing and when shes not. she sounds like a really bad actress and makes these face expressions as if she hopes im buying it. when i lean over her and pretend to worry, she stops and then fake coughs a little more. As soon as i carry her I notice a little smile on her face and i chuckle a little, to which she just full out starts laughing like she knows what she did!

Her hair has grown so much i actually had to cut it. I kept it in a little plastic bag. Im not very sentimental to things like hair or teeth but for some reason I just couldnt throw away her hair! ugh. Im officially a mom i guess. *snorts

Can you believe megan fox is preggo again????! what!!! you hear of all these other stars waiting until theyre 30 and 40 to finally have children but not megan fox. I guess shes not as vain as she seems huh?

Im actually excited about my friends getting pregnant now! I couldnt care less before I was a mom. I mean, sure it was cool “someone was going to have a baby”. BUT NOW its like “OMYGOD!!! YOURE PREGNANT!!! LOL!!!” *tears

why am i so emotional about that? sheesh i weird myself out.

Im still breastfeeding, even though Ive gotten plugged ducts twice and mastitis once. hey im the first in my family to breastfeed so im learning as i go. ive learned though that pure cranberry juice from a health store is a breast feeding mothers best friend 🙂 drink that at the first signs of a plugged duct and youll be just fine.

Oh and layla has tried biting me while i nurse her but i just push her face against my boob for a second so she cant breath and she releases her chompers right away. problem solved.

I have to say the first few months of being a new mom are HARD but its finally getting to the point where i am just THRILLED to be a mom.

 

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I Got Pulled Over By A Cop

9 Jun

He was right behind me as I pulled into the exit I take to go home.  I was going at the speed limit required when suddenly I see the red and blue lights flashing behind me. my jaw dropped open in astonishment. YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN ME! what did i do?? I couldn’t pull over because we were reaching a curve so he used his loud speaker to tell me to pull over after the curve. When he came up to my window he asked what was going on with my registration — my stickers were expired. Ohhhhh...that. 

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Somehow I always feel like Im going to be taken to jail when I get pulled over. When I was 5, I thought the cops came to  my house looking to take me to jail because I had stolen a small candy at the store. I quickly ran and hid under my bed and prayed to Jesus. They were there to ask questions about some neighbors. Im just paranoid I guess.

Anyway the cop gave me a “fix it ticket”. I guess thats not such a bad thing. It doesnt sound so bad anyway. I just have to fix it right? I swear though, he must’ve been bored. Cops get bored up in this small town. He was so bored he noticed my sticker. ugh. but whatever I guess I’ll get my registration fixed. Honestly though I have no luck with cops!  I suck at getting out of tickets! Like, how do other girls do it???

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Anyway, Laylas swing stopped working because the batteries went dead. As I changed them out while she sat in her swing, a huge D size battery fell and hit my foot. OW ! that hurt! but my mom who was standing by just said, “Oh, Im glad it didn’t hit Layla. You should be more careful — you could’ve hit her!” I got a little annoyed that no one cared about my hurt foot. “yes I know, Ill be more careful…” I said in a sullen voice. I dont want to feel this way, but gosh no one cares if my foot gets hit by a 10 pound battery??? You know I am still alive people ! I feel things too!

Layla started teething FOR SURE this week. Shes been munching on her fingers and drooling. I really think the amber necklace is working though — She had been so grumpy and fussy for days. then I put the necklace on her and WU-ALA! she’s back to her smiley happy self. She seems to be in discomfort at times but overall its a big improvement from past days. If you’re not familiar with the amber necklace, its a natural analgesic that releases succinic acid through the amber beads when the heat of your body touches them. Its a natural pain reliever. Recently Miranda Kerr’s son was seen wearing an Amber necklace. Isnt he cute?? In my opinion he had no choice with the parents he has!

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After work yesterday I stopped by the little grocery store close to where I live to buy Layla some teething toys. She didnt have any toys until now because it seemed like a waste of money. So it felt kind of special to buy her some toys for the first time. We must’ve stood in front of all the baby toys forever trying to choose the best ones. I wanted to get Layla a cute sippy cup but I held myself back –shes not there yet. the time will come for sippy cup shopping.

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showing off her two-pack

I chose a ring of colorful keys, and a pink teething rattle. As I stood in line to pay, the guy behind me looked me in the eye and asked how my day was. It was refreshing for a stranger to ask me, I’ll admit. But then again thats how people are in this small town — very friendly. When I saw him limping on a leg I just had to ask what happened. Turns out he fell out of a moving vehicle going at 40 MPH. His foot looked black and purple, and his arms and shoulders were badly hurt, but the blood looked like it had dried up already. His girlfriend laughed it off — she was the one driving. Soon everyone joined in the conversation — the tall obese bearded man and his obese wife wearing a low cut tank top standing in our line, the tan guy with the piercings, the lady with a small child in front of me, and the check out ladies. The guy with the piercings made jokes that he should stop saying he fell out of a car and just admit his girlfriend beat him. ha ha…I love my small little town.

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“OMYGossssh…what is this marvelous thing?!”

When I got home my mom put some tequila on Laylas gums to soothe her. It worked really well. Layla was happy after that. I was going to use hylands teething tablets but after the news that came out about recalls I just dont feel good about using them anymore — even if the recall problem was ‘fixed’. Tequila is typically used in mexico to soothe babies gums when their teething. I am not thrilled to use Tequila but it beats using the hyland tablets.

I think she’s on the verge of making sounds. Today she looked at me and said, “Ahgoo..” She seemed pretty proud of herself. I cant wait till she says “mama” !!!

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you wouldn’t believe it but a friend actually told me the other day, “I know how you must feel. you do so much — you work and take care of your baby.” She nodded her head and looked at me compassionately. I hadn’t even told her what I was going through and she said that to me! I felt like something was lifted off of me just hearing her sympathetic words. It was just a few simple words…but they revitalized me. Someone knew what I was feeling and acknowledged it. That is all I wanted.

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Me and Layla leaving for work in the morning

Last night something freaky happened —or should I say early this morning at 2 am. I was up feeding Layla and going through the local news on my phone *which by the way I got a Galaxy S ll!!! so excited –the camera is incredible!!! anyway, I read that Richard Ramirez died from health complications in jail. I didnt know who he was until I came across that news article. Turns out he was the most feared serial killer in southern California in the 80’s. He is super freaky looking and so is the woman who later married him while he was in jail. I got chills reading everything about him. Maybe I shouldn’t be reading this at 2 am I thought to myself. But I was intrigued. How did I not know about this infamous serial killer ? A few minutes later my dog started barking loudly. It was strange for her to bark inside the house at 2 am. Shes usually asleep on the couch until the morning.

I opened the door to my room, and saw her barking at something in the hallway close to my door. But there was nothing there. She looked scared so I let her come in my room. she walked around my room looking unsettled. I rubbed her tummy to calm her. Still she breathed heavily with her tounge out and her chest heaving. Id never seen her like this. she looked really scared. to be honest I felt a little bit of chills too. I got up and turned my lamp on and looked for my bible. As soon as I started reading Psalms out loud, my dog seemed to calm down and fell asleep within a few minutes.

I dont know what all that was about but I dont think I should read about serial killers at 2 am anymore.

My parents and I are going to visit people we know from our old home town tomorrow. I haven’t been back in years. So its a little nerve wrecking. Somehow there was always a rumor about me floating around. And then I gave people things to talk about too– which only made things worse. When one person let out the gossip that I was pregnant last year, it went around like a forest fire. Which I was not pleased about but I just shrugged it off. I guess I would be proud if I had been married and pregnant but I was, and still am, single. I didn’t want their pity.

Anyway I am not thrilled about facing the crowd as a single mom. It makes me feel like a failure. They’ll all be looking at what Im wearing and how I look post baby and wondering why Im single. But you know what? Who cares if they look down on me. I’ll just focus on the people who are genuinely happy to see me. I know I dont have to go but I know my dad wants me and my baby to go and I want him to be happy. Im pretty sure he just wants to show Layla off ha ha.

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My Car Got Repoed

1 Feb

I kept telling my brother they were going to take my car away.

He kept telling me, “They dont know where you live.”

“Even if they dont know where i live right now, they can find out, and besides its just not responsible.”

He gave me a small amount of $200 last week to make a car payment. my car payment is $300 and im behind 3 months.

“Can i have another $100 so i can at least make one full payment?” I asked him.

“NO!” he said bewildered, “I cant give you more-Im really tight right now!”

fine…I thought, I’ll just have to wait until next week so i can at least make one full car payment. 

come to find out, my brother went shopping the next day and bought himself a new $100 GUESS jacket at the mall.

“Yeah” because things are “really tight.”

I’ve been so upset and stressed out over my car being taken away, that I worry I might go into labor. I tell myself to take a deep breath and relax but my heart cant stop racing. So i mentally tell my baby, “You will not come yet, do you understand?” I hope she listens to me. I know that at 36 weeks they have a 90% chance of surviving without almost any medical intervention, but I just dont want to remember having my baby the day my car got taken away. It  wouldnt be a good memory, and im far from feeling relaxed and happy right now, which im sure would affect my chances of having a good labor expereince—especially since i want to do a hypno birth and thats all about letting go of anything negative in your life. I also would like to have everything straightened out with my car before she comes–it might be a nesting thing,  but it would ease my mind to know everythings ok before i have my baby, instead of having her, and having to deal with a repo company, the sherriffs department, the DMV, my car company, and an insurance company when im supposed to be home recovering and enjoying my newborn baby. I guess it would be a good time to do breathing and relaxation exercises but EVERY TIME i think about my car and everything I have to do to get it back, my heart starts racing again.

This morning I was getting ready to listen to my hypno birthing relaxation CDs and read the rest of my hypno birthing book in preparation for labor when my mom called me letting me know the repo guy had been at my parents house looking for me. I called my brother right away and told him. He said he would call me right back. So I waited. And I waited. After 20 minutes, I called him to see what he was thinking of doing.  I was stressed, nervous, and worried. He didnt answer his phone—which was weird because he always answers my calls.

A few minutes later the Repo guy shows up at my door. UH-OH. He tells me my car is already hooked up and once he hooks it up theres nothing that can be done. He has to take it. I called my brother immediately and this time he answered. I told him the repo guy was right outside and was going to take my car away.

“David I need my car!!” I cried into the phone, “You SAID you were going to help me! You said everything would be taken care of!”

His response: “Yeah, but i dont have any money right now.” There didn’t seem to be any concern in his tone.

“But you said you were going to help me back in September! You had so much time since then! and when I told you my car payment was due in november you told me youd give me the money in December, and when December came you told me you would pay everything in January, and now look what happened!!”

His response: “Yeah but I dont have any money right now.”

“Well you got to do something! You told me you would help me out!”

“Well I dont have any money,” He repeated in a flat tone.

“Well cant you call our dad or something?!” I was taken aback at the fact that he didnt seem to know what to do or say to fix the hole he got me into. First he tells me everything will be alright, then he throws me in a hole, and once im in the hole, he abandons me.

“No,” he said, “You have to call him. Its you’re car.”

“Yeah but you were supposed to have taken care of everything remember??” I didnt understand why he wanted me to go through the embarassment of calling my dad and asking him for money, all because he mispent the money he shouldve used to pay my car.

“Well you have to call him,” He said flatly.

“Ok. fine…” I said between my teeth and hung up.

In case you’re wondering, I am not the type of person to spit out nasty hurtful things when Im mad or upset at someone. thats not to say I cant, because If I wanted to I could say some of the worst things that would break a person into pieces but I dont think anyone deserves to be striped of their dignity. I also like to remain as focused as possible during a stressful situation so I can think and act with logic instead of with flared up emotions. besides, saying hurtful mean things to people just because you’re upset isn’t very classy in my book.

While the relationship between me and my dad has improved tremendously, I still hate asking him for help. I dont think that’ll ever change. I just dont think its responsible to run to daddy for money or help when it could be avoided.

Today my brother left me no choice.

I called my dad and told him what was going on. He quickly sent my brother over with a check, and asked me to put the repo guy on the phone. unfortunately the repo guy was still going to take my car. I cried. Not loudly–I mostly sniffle and wipe tears away and bite my lower lip when i cry. I could tell the repo guy felt bad to see a pregnant girl cry but alas, its his job and he has to feed his kids.

I was on the phone with my car company after my car got taken away and they gave me instructions on what I have to do in order to get my car back.  I cried while i was on the phone with the customer service girl. Which Im sorry about, because I could tell she felt a little awkward but i simply couldnt contain myself when she ran down a list of all the hoops i would have to jump through to get my car back. Primarily, it was having to show proof of full coverage insurance and a valid drivers licence that made the tears come pouring down.

My car insurance got cancelled recently due to non-payment and even if I still had it, it was not full coverage since I couldnt afford it.

And my drivers license? I dont have one because my wallet was stolen two months ago, and while I would love to get my drivers licence back, I know I would firstly have to pay for my expired car tags which are $300.

So Im looking at an extra $1,200 on top of the $1,300 I owe my car company for 3 months of non-payment, late fees, and repo fees.

granted none of it will come from my pocket, especially since Im not working right now because im on disability leave (I still havent received my first paycheck, although honestly Im thinking it’ll just be pennies since I didnt make much at my last job.) But just because the money isnt coming from my pockets doesnt mean Im going to put my feet up and whistle a happy tune. Im upset about my dad having to use his money to help me, and Im upset at the charges that will be spent unnecessarily. Its money thats basically being thrown away all because of carelessness/irresponsibility.

My parents have been planning on putting wood flooring in their house and that is not cheap. To think that this money could’ve gone toward that but instead its going towards my car because of my irresponsible brother really upsets me.

I feel frustrated that I am depending on my brother. I recognize that he is not mature or responsible, and he has a spending problem. He doesnt like to think about budgeting money. He simply likes to think that more money will fall from the sky and solve his problems. This doesnt make him a bad person. He has a good heart, and good intentions. Unfortunately no one has ever lived off of either of those two things.

I dont ever in my life want to depend on anyone again. I cant wait for the day where what i make is enough to sustain me and my baby without depending on anyone else.

I know It’ll happen, but for the moment this is my life:

I currently have to deal with the fact that my car is gone and I have to go through a lot of hassle to get it back.

being 36 weeks (9 months) pregnant and having to take this on right now is not my idea of fun.

If there is a person you can count on in your life, then you, my friend…are lucky.

You should go hug the heck out of them. squeeze ’em till they cant breath. Heck, at least give them a high five for me. 

People you can truly count on in this life, are hero’s in my book…

ITS SO BIG!

25 Jan

My stomach that is.

Its getting gi-normous! everyone keeps telling me i look like i swallowed a watermelon. Even the guy that works at the cell phone kiosk at the mall nick named me “water melon girl.” One of my friends told me i dont look pregnant from the back though, which is weird since im sooooo obviously pregnant in the front.  I really dont know how i can possibly get bigger…!! I mean SERIOUSLY. If my stomach grows any bigger i will surely tip over. not even kidding.

I only have 4 weeks left till my due date (but honestly im thinking ill have my baby a week or two early.) either way, it means i will be seeing my baby VERY VERY SOON!! *girly squeel inserted here* I am so over the moon excited to hold her and look at her little face.

I passed my glucose test, and i just had my strep B test done last week. I have a feeling my doctor is a bit of a pervert but its too late to change doctors this late in the game in my opinion. But you know your doctors a little pervy when they get that little involuntary smile that creeps up on their face right before they check your privates. and dont even get started on how the rest went! I personally feel he took longer than he had to and did the test differently than how i read its supposed to be done.  But …whatever. Just glad thats over with and soon i wont have to be seeing him anymore.

I was deppressed last week for a day or two. But then I got over it. So maybe I wanted Oreo cookies and milk and I only got a sugar cookie and a glass of water….well then so be it. I will be happy with my sugar cookie and glass of water. Its better than nothing! Ive learned my lesson though: I will never beleive anyone who promises me Oreo cookies and milk until theyre in my hand. You know, Just to be on the safe side.

Lately Ive noticed how quiet it is when im home alone. I dont have a TV or a Radio so I guess thats part of the reason why its so quiet, but it just makes me ponder on how it wont always be this way. very soon the quietness will be filled with a little newborn crying (hopefully not too much crying though.) I will look over at the side of my bed and instead of the sleep sheep inside the rocker sleeper, Ill see my precious baby girl. I cant wait to see her eyes opened wide staring up at me. and that first smile. I cant wait!

Theres a saying my mom often repeats to me: “theres always something good to be taken from every bad situation.”

In this case that “good” would definitely be my little Layla who will be here soon.

 

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I usually have Layla listen to Mozart and Beethoven either while i do my make-up in the day or at night before i go to bed.

 

MY BABY SHOWER WAS A DISASTER

15 Jan

Well I cant say I didn’t warn myself.

I didn’t want a baby shower since the beginning but my 18 year old brother INSISTED i have one. I figured, ok why not. it’ll be small, nothing fancy or complicated. just a nice meal, some family and some presents. easy peasy right?

WELL.

It started with my brother Damian and his wife planning my baby shower. Soon though his wife opted out, saying she didnt know too much about planning a party.

Then my other brothers girlfriend heard of my baby shower and quickly jumped on the band wagon. She wanted to help plan it too.

So Damian and Daisy were going to be the host and hostess of my baby shower. ( just FYI…they had dated each other in the past.) so now that they were going to be planning this party together, it meant alot of “talk” time with each other, which irritated my brothers wife Isabel, who believed Daisy might still be interested in Damian, which wasnt true at all. So that sparked some drama. Isabel said some things to Daisy that she probably shouldn’t have and ever since then there has been a rift between them.

Aside from family drama, my brother Damian told me early on that he would be getting me a Britax car seat and matching stroller. I was beyond excited. I didnt worry about the car seat after that because i was counting on him. WELL….right before i was 8 months, he told me he didnt get it after all. He was going to wait until january to get it, but the deal was long gone before then. I told him good deals dont last long. I dont understand how he thought it would still be there months later at that incredible price. not only was i hugely let down after being so excited, but i was also  super stressed out because now i had to find a car seat quickly since they WONT let you leave the hospital without one.

I made an online amazon gift registry and gave my brother the link so he could pass it on to the people he was going to invite. He lost it twice and had me resend it to him three times. He also did not pass the link to any of the people invited. He “forgot.” And by the time i checked with him about it, there were only two weeks left for my baby shower. It was too late to have people order the gifts online. I would now get presents I didnt really want or need. “great.”

I also made a list that i hand wrote with instructions on what food we would have at my baby shower (my favorite meal) the decorations, the place, the time, and the people that would be invited. Damian asked if he could have the list and i gladly gave it to him since he was planning the party. WELL…he lost it.

He kept calling me over and over asking about every detail. He would ask me the same questions too. “Hey what are you gonna cook again?” was asked at least 5 times, followed by pesky questions like “when are you going to make it? are you going to put salad dressing on the salad? are you making the salad the night before or the day of?”

“hey what am i supposed to bring again?” He would ask over and OVER. “chips and soda,” I would repeat time and time again. funny enough, on the day of the baby shower he still forgot the chips.

When we changed the baby shower from its original date to the next weekend so that our Hostess could be there, I asked Damian to call everyone and let them know of the date change. He whined and complained and i had to remind him it wasn’t that big of a deal to call the five people he invited and tell them of the new baby shower date. He then told me he didnt feel “appreciated.” OH GEEZ im sorry Im not more grateful at how whiny youre being with the little job you have of sitting on your butt, picking up your phone and making 5 short calls that’ll take you no more than 10 minutes. geez life must be so hard. and he was supposed to be my Host, the person that makes everything easier for ME. instead he complained about the littlest things, stressing me out.

Daisy and Damian could not get along on anything and kept arguing with each other and then running to me like little kids telling on each other. I had to play referee just like a mother with two children. They kept telling me they were really “stressed” out about planning the party which i totally did NOT understand. it was a SMALL baby shower with less than 20 people. we had the place and the time set, we had the tables, chairs, food, and decorations set. Im sorry—was i missing something?? how could anyone be stressed out? It almost made me laugh–in irony that is. I planned my parents anniversary party with more than 200 guests ALL BY MYSELF. I didnt forget anything, and I didnt complain to anyone. Yes it was stressful, but i didnt act like a little sissy about it. I simply took charge and got things done.

I kept getting phone calls from Damian and Daisy asking about things they didnt need to worry me with. Daisy didnt even know where to get a cake. UMmmm…. a bakery perhaps?? She waited till the last minute even when i told her that if she wanted to put an order in she had to do it at least a few days before or during the day when they were open. well she waited until the night before when the bakery was closed already and so she had to pick what they had in the glass windows. I ended up with a plain purple chocolate cake with purple letters that said “its a girl.” what ticked me off was the way they wrote the letters. usually they make them cursive like and fancy. not on my cake. It was written in plain letters. nothing special.

I asked Daisy the day before if she had everything ready (she was in charge of the decorating and games.) she said yes, and i breathed a sigh of relief. well. THAT GIRL LIED.

The night before my baby shower i asked her if she had prizes for the games we would play. she said she forgot. So i bought some prizes.

Damian kept calling me trying to change the menu. he wanted a bar-B-Q even though he didnt want to pay for it or do any of the meat prepping or grilling. I had to remind him it was my baby shower, and we were going to have my favorite meal which was alot cheaper and easier to make. He was acting like it was his special day almost demanding we make what he wanted. When i told him i didnt want a cook out at my baby shower he said, “well ill think about it.” then he told me it was supposed to be a “surprise baby shower” anyway so i shouldnt even be aware of what we would be eating, as if trying to justify his “right” to impose on the menu. “how was it supposed to be a surprise when you told me from the beginning that you were going to make me a baby shower?!” i asked bewildered. He stuttered. I told him he was stressing me out and hung up on him. Then later he asked if we could add some ground meat to the meal we would have at the baby shower. I told him no. Again, He wasn’t offering to buy the meat, prep the meat, or cook the meat. he just seemed to want to make things difficult.

The next day I was supposed to pick up Daisy to go over to my cousins house and start decorating together (she wanted me to go with her since she was too shy to show up by herself at my cousins house.) Not only was i helping my mom prepare the food that morning, i also had to help Daisy decorate, which was stressing me out since i still had to go home and prepare the salads AND get myself ready for the party.

When i talked to Daisy right before picking her up, she let me know we would still need to stop at a few stores to get some things she still hadnt gotten. but we didnt have time anymore. she was supposed to have gotten everything before the day of the party. I suggested she go get everything before i got there. so she had her mom take her quickly. After i got to her house, her mom dropped her off and then left to a doctors appointment. Daisy got in my car and as we drove off, she realized she left ALL the bags of decorations she had just bought inside her moms car! “well call her!” i said alarmed. She said she also forgot her cell phone. She said we could do without those things for the moment and so we drove to my cousins house to start decorating with the things we did have.

Once there, she realized she forgot more things. we decorated the tables, and she blew a few balloons and threw them on the ground. I told her maybe we should tape them to the chairs, tables, or ceiling but she said no. She thought it would look prettier to have balloons all over the floor. but the wind was blowing them by the rose bushes, and my cousins dog kept chasing them too. some popped, and after blowing up five balloons, she was too tired to blow any more.

When i asked her what baby shower games we were doing she drew a blank. “I forgot…” she said smiling. So i reminded her which ones we had talked about, and asked if she had what we needed to play them. she didnt. so we had to go to the store quickly and buy some things last minute.

afterwards i dropped her off at her house. She told me she would take the decorations she left in her moms car and put them up as soon as she got to the party later.

I went home, put my salads together and then only had 20 minutes to get ready. I quickly ran a curling iron threw my bed head hair, and slapped on some make-up. soon my brother David and Derick got home. Derick was asking me what should he wear to my party. I gave him some ideas but it didnt dawn on me that he was gonna go to my baby shower. Then it hit me.

“WAIT. youre coming to my baby shower??” i asked him.

“yeah,” he said excitedly.

“uhhhh…Its just I cant have you and Damian both there. I would really love for you to be there but since i have to pick bewtween you guys, its only right i pick Damian since he was the one who planned my baby shower.”

You see, Derick had sex with Damians wife last summer. Damian hasnt forgiven Derick and cant stand being in the same room with him, even though they both work for my dad.

Derick insisted on going saying they see each other at work every day anyway. I felt bad telling my brother a straight out “no you cant go.” I mean hes my brother and I love him.  looked at my other brother for help. David looked like he felt just as bad to tell him no. so i said, “ok, well we will just be adults about this then.”

I let my sister in law know that Derick would be there, and she quickly alerted Damian. She called me a minute later saying Damian had “lost it.” and that he kept saying he was going to “do something.”

“you should talk to him,” she said in her meek voice.

I told my brother that if he was going to do something id prefer that hed stay home. I didnt want anyone being selfish and ruining my baby shower. He cursed me out, and told me to do whatever i wanted but that we were “all going to pay for it.”

I told my mom as soon as she got to our house, and she said she had a strong feeling that Damian was going to get drunk and come to the baby shower with a gun to kill Derick. So she quickly told Derick what Damian was saying and told him it was better if he didnt go. Derick agreed. I told him we could do a sprinkle baby shower next weekend with him. he smiled and said ok.

Then my mom got on her phone with Damian to calm him down. He was already drinking heavily and kept making threats.

When we got to my baby shower, there were only a few people there. I was still stressed out from the drama my brother was creating, and my hostess wasnt there yet so i had no one to lean on. My mom was talking to Damians wife who was telling her that two guys were holding Damian back from leaving his house but that he was really strong and they almost couldnt hold him back. He was also really drunk already. we had already told him Derick was not going to be there after all, but he didnt care. He still wanted to cause a scene.

Finnally Daisy arrived and i felt better thinking that my hostess would take care of things. I asked her if she brought the rest of the decorations. she said she forgot. I asked if she brought the doll for the baby hot potato game. she said she forgot. She also forgot her presents at home.

We were in the backyard setting up the cake on the table but it was freezing cold so i suggested maybe we move things inside. this seemed to tick her off. she said all her decorations would go to waste. The only decorations i saw were the table covers, the plates, some confetti, and candy. It took minutes to set up and it would take seconds to move inside. I wasnt sure what made her say “all” her decorations would go to waste.

Then I told her we would also need to move the cake table inside. She had a fit, threw her hands up in the air and walked away. my brother went after her. a minute later my cousins were helping bring everything inside.

everyone was starving, but Daisy wasnt taking charge of the food, and my mom wasnt there to help me–She was talking to Damian on her phone outside. So i prepared the food and let everyone know they could come serve themselves. David shook his head at me and said, “youre not supposed to be doing this–Daisy is.” In essence, yes she was supposed to do it…she was my hostess after all. but i was starting to feel that i had no hostess.

Soon everyone was sitting down eating. I sat down next to my brother David and Daisy and ate quietly. Daisy was also quiet. thankfully my cousins in front of us started talking about previous car accidents they had been in. weirdly enough i actually enjoyed hearing their stories. I badly wanted to focus on anything other than my baby shower.

A few minutes later i asked Daisy and David if we should cut the cake since everyone was almost done eating. they said i should wait.

A few minutes later one of my cousins was asking for cake. I looked at Daisy and told her they wanted cake already. She just shrugged her shoulders and looked away. “hey girl, aren’t you supposed to help me though?” I asked her. Again she shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

I understand she was probably dissapointed with how the party had turned out. There werent too many people and we had to move everything inside last minute. But I dont understand why she was taking it out on me.

So i got up thinking i was just going to have to do it myself. A few seconds later she got up and started cutting the cake and serving pieces to everyone. I was a little confused but didnt say anything.

my little cousin cheered me up with some funny youtube videos on her Ipad and it was nice to hear all my other cousins having a good time and laughing in the table next to us. At least the baby shower was proving to be a good time for the rest of my family.

a little while later Daisy came up to me and said she didnt really want to do any of the games since there werent too many people and she was kind of embarassed to get everyone’s attention. I knew there was enough people to play some games but i didnt want to push her to do something she didnt want to do. I told her it didnt matter to me. She said if i changed my mind to let her know. I wanted her to take charge and make it fun but knowing that she didnt want to do it, just ruined it for me. I was looking forward to the games so much. I had even bought expensive prizes. but now that was ruined too.

later my family started asking me to open my presents. I mustered the courage to look excited and happy. inside though i was really dissapointed in how things were turning out. I walked over to the table where the gifts were at. Daisy who was my hostess and shouldve came up to help me with the presents, just stayed on the couch with my brother. So i awkwardly started opening presents by myself. thankfully my nefu sat next to me and helped pass me the presents. it was a huge help especially with the bigger presents that i couldnt reach or carry on my own.

The presents I got were nice–clothes, crib bedding, a diaper bag, a baby bouncer, a high chair, pacifiers, ect. I loved all the minnie mouse things i received–I wonder if my brother told them I loved minnie mouse. I guess he mustve because I received alot of minnie mouse items! That was really cool. I also received a gift card from my little brother which was really awesome of him since i was really really hoping to get one to buy the last items i need for my baby.

after the presents, we all hung around, eating, laughing and talking. Honestly the last part of my baby shower was the best. I joked with my cousins that even if i delivered a boy, it was still going to be a “girl” to me because i have waaaay too many cute girl outfits already and im not letting them go to waste. That really made them laugh. honestly im never trying to be funny…im usually serious and people crack up at what i say. what really surprises me is when people laugh HARD at something i said. it almost scares me sometimes because im not saying things to make people laugh, and then all of a sudden my ears get shocked with this high pitch laughter from everyone. sometimes i do make a joke expecting a little smile. a twitch of the mouth maybe. but thats it. When people laugh really hard I wonder how they do it. I cant really laugh that hard. usually im like “ha…thats funny.”

Anyway, as the night progressed Daisy seemed to be in a better mood, and became the Daisy I know. She wouldnt let me lift a finger telling me i shouldnt do anything because im pregnant. She was being super sweet and her usual funny loud self. around 10 pm we said goodnight, i thanked everyone (who was still there) for coming, and of course i thanked my cousin for being gracious enough to let us have the baby shower at his house.

The baby shower was finnally over and i felt a sense of relief.

I almost feel like making a T-shirt that says “I SURVIVED MY BABY SHOWER.”

lol…but in all seriousness, at the end of the day none of this baby shower drama matters. the most important thing is that im alive, healthy, and awaiting the biggest miracle of life being created inside of me =) ImageImageImage

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6.5 months pregnant!

24 Nov

The weeks seem to be going by so fast now! THEN again…i do sleep like a hybernating polar bear. thank GOD i dont look like one though! so far Ive gained 20 pounds but my doctor told me that im right on track and still need to gain more since im skinny. Im definately not dieting but im not going to give myself the “Im pregnant—i can eat what i want” pass. after all, eating for two doesnt mean you get to eat like chubacca. who ever made that lie up should choke on a wienie. i mean who says you get a free pass JUST because youre preggers?? its not like the baby really gets any nutrition from the nachos, twinkies, and ice cream sundaes. YOU on the other hand are left looking pregnant 6 months after the baby is born. and thats.not.fun. is it? no sir.

My thing is i dont want to look like a typical “mom”. I will not cut my hair into a short bob, or sport mom jeans *shudders* or ever buy a mini-van. I want to look something like THIS: 

well yes, i know i might be fantasizing, but hey, i can dream.

So far, I still dont have stretch marks, constipation, aches, pains, nausea, hemmoroids, or varicose veins.

I DO HOWEVER have a small broken capillarie on the back of my leg. it looks like a little red birth mark. I read that grape seed extract will make it go away.

also my right eye has been dry and red so i had to buy artificial tear drops. theyve been working great lately.

my skin has been behaving really well thanks to the coconut oil, Baking soda and lemon. no more break outs!

and did i mention i love my big boobs?? 🙂

now on to my sweet sweet child:

She is now close to 2 pounds, has begun to open and close her eyes (which are blue for now since all babies have that color in womb) shes surely growing curly little hair on her head by now, as well as eyelashes and eyebrows.

and the best part??! she kicks me all the time now! and hard!!

ive gotten used to her kicking me now, so i no longer make that dumb OMG face O_O now its more of a blissful happy face.

I cant wait to see her, hold her, change her diapers, feed her, carry her, and take her with me every where. and to think…only 3 more months!!!

now on to my baby/pregnancy purchases:

I bought head phones so Layla can listen to classical music:

Now i need to go find that classical CD! where oh where did i put it??

I also purchased this body pillow:

It was $80 on Amazon, and its alot like the snoogle (but better in my opinion.)

I also purchased this top:

I thought it would be really cool to wear this while im pregnant so i can make the tigers face pop out like 3D. yeah yeah. Im a nerd. haha…

I also bought this blanket for my baby girl:

is it not the softest cutest blanket ever?? me thinks yes 🙂

the sleepers i got her—totally couldn’t help myself. they were $8 each at Wallyworld 🙂

I also purchased a flat iron by Biosilk (the makers of CHI) these are usually $80 but i got it on sale for $25 *AND SHE SCOOOOOORES!!!*

ahem. got a little excited there.

Heres what it looks like:

Gotta keep my hair ‘did !!

I also placed an order online through a proffesional photo lab to print an 8 x 10 picture of my parents dancing at their anniversary party. I already have the frame for it. So im just waiting to receive the picture. I paid $16 for ONE picture. thats kind of outrageous spending for me since i love bargains and deals BUT you cant go cheap on somethings. especially picture quality. you get what you pay for there. I cant wait ’till my mom sees it. she has no idea im doing this 🙂 I think itll look really nice hung up on the living room wall next to the rest of the family pictures..

my baby shower will be within the next month or so, and my mom said shes getting me the crib (I love my momma!)

This is the crib shes getting me from my amazon baby registry 🙂

Also my brother is getting me the britax stroller and matching car seat ! Im so excited!

I dont really like any of the strollers ive seen (thats a nice way of saying they repulse me) but this one…this one I LIKE!

now on to the medical stuff:

I just had my glucose test the other day. my doctor said they will call me on monday if anything is wrong. I could be wrong but i think Im pretty healthy. So hopefully they wont call.

I also scheduled an ultrasound just so i could see my baby again but my mom doesnt think thats such a hot idea. she thinks too many ultrasounds might harm the baby. Ive had 4 so far. SO i guess ill just play it safe and wait until shes born.

Ive been taking my vitamins, herbs, minerals, and omega 3s religiously. I put them in these little baggies to make it easier to remember to take them. I recently added calcium and green zone capsules (a vegetable supplement.) so far i haven’t gotten sick and im feeling good!

Heres a pic from my 6 month photo shoot with my brothers and sister in law:

Cant wait to see whos cooking in there!

This is what i plan to wear when Im leaving the hospital after I deliver:

This is what i plan to wear 3 months after giving birth:

hopefully ill go back to my pre-pregnancy size sooner than expected:

 

Ill be breastfeeding, juicing, souping, eating vegan, taking my vitamins, using a body shaper, and exercising. So im pretty confident Ill be back in shape soon after my baby is born. I cant wait to be skinny again! I think thats what i miss the most ….other than that though, this pregnancy has been fairly easy and Im really thankful for that.

 

Will I Ever Stop Being Shocked??

20 Oct

Im getting more and more excited about this baby. Sometimes I cant sleep at night. All i THINK is “BABY BABY BABY”. Its like knowing youre about to win the lottery in a few months. Would you be able to sleep at night? EXACTLY.

Of course I know I KNOW…changing poopy diapers isnt exactly like winning the lottery.

BUT. having a baby is just….sooooooo….exciting!!!!

I almost cant beleive it. I look at my belly and tell myself, “There is a baby in there.” I repeat it to myself in disbelief a few times. I am 5 months pregnant and I still cannot believe this has happened to me. I’m just so shocked still. will that ever go away?? I’ll probably be at my daughters high school graduation and still be shocked. I really find it odd how I had sex and now there’s a little person inside my stomach kicking me. WHAT THE HELL…? O_O

I have to record my face next time I feel it kick me. Its like the face you would probably make while watching an episode of “Ripleys beleive it or not.” except its a happy freaked out face. which is insane. which is why i must record it.

Something Ive wondered about lately is what the hell did I think about before I was pregnant. What was important to me back then?? Because the only thing thats important to me now is my baby and ANYTHING baby related. I thought hard while I brushed my teeth in the morning.

ohhhhh…then it came back to me.

All my hobbies of course!—Fashion, photography, cooking, drawing, reading, writting, dancing, working out, researching good health remedies, decorating, painting, and movies. OK, so I had quite alot of things that were important to me.

Which they still are, but Ive just noticed they’re not all I think about anymore.

Instead of only being subscribed to fashion and beauty gurus on youtube, Im now also subscribed to a million moms-to-be or mommy Vlogs. I watch an insane amount of birthing videos, and I love watching videos of newborn babies.

I have made a list of my birth plan as well as what I will take in my hospital bags, and Ive also finished my baby shower gift list, plus party details. I also made a daily to do list, and a list of the things I need to buy to decorate my soon to be shared room with the baby. YES I AM A LIST PERSON. my brain would freeze and die if I didnt have a notepad and pens.

And you read that correctly. HOSPITAL BAGS. I will be packing 3 and taking an empty gym bag for all the hospital goodies they give you to take home. One bag will be filled with 5 chlorophyll alkaline water bottles (for energy during labor) apples, bananas, and energy bars (for after labor.) Another bag will have all my clothes, toiletries, and babies clothes. The 3rd bag will have my pillow, baby blanket, towel, magazines, cellphone, camera, chargers, wallet, and gifts for my doctor and nurses. Im thinking Ill get them boxes of chocolate with  a little bow on top from SEE’s CANDY.

I got weighed the other day at my doctors, and I’ve only gained 10 pounds! Alrriiiight! happy happy joy joy!! My fear is being obese after I deliver. Of course I dont starve myself-that would be stupid. I just eat mostly fruits, nuts, and veggies, and drink lots of water. every now and then Ill give myself the green light to eat something forbidden, like mashed potatoes. I LOVE MASHED POTATOES!! Ok…Im getting very hungry now. When I say I give myself the green light every now and then…I kind of mean at least a few times a week lol. as long as its in small portions. so far its worked for me.

My next doctors appointment is on the 25th of October. I will be changing doctors. I didnt like the doctor that gave me my pap smear. She was weird and awkward. So I asked who else they had, and the front desk nurse recommended Dr.Garcia saying, “He’s the man!” She said her daughter recently got pregnant and thats who she recommended her daughter as well. Im so glad I asked her. I’ll feel alot better knowing my doctor is “THE MAN.”

Well Im off to get me some hashbrowns from Denny’s. I’ll leave you with some pictures =)

 

My 21 week update pic:

 

One day it’ll be my baby looking up at me 😉 !!

 

 

Room Idea for my future shared room with my little girl:

 

What I think my baby will look like when she’s born:

Its only a guess (Im super light skinned and my Ex is black) so we’ll see 😉

 

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