Tag Archives: kids

I Apologize

26 Jun

To the people who are not blind:

I apologize for not plucking my eyebrows frequently enough. Id get them waxed but I dont even have time for that..and maybe I’d like to save those $10.

I apologize for wearing a dress and having baby hairs on my legs–I sincerely hope I was too far away from you to notice.

I apologize for wearing sandals and not painting my toe nails–I realize I look like an earthy hippie who should be wearing Birkenstocks.

I apologize for having messy hair days and some no-make up days. I feel for you, I do.

I apologize If I dont always smell good–hopefully my body spray and thin mints do the trick. If not, please step away slowly. Ill pretend I dont notice.

I apologize If what I wear doesnt always match–like wearing a navy blue tank top with a black and white button down (whaaat? was I half asleep when I picked that to wear?! um, actually yes I was!)

I DONT APOLOGIZE for spending my small amount of free time cuddling and singing to my little girl.

I dont apologize for playing on the floor with her, and tickling her tummy, enjoying the heck out of her chubby cheeks and thighs. gazing at her loving eyes, and enjoying her innocent giggles.

Sometimes there are better things in life for which I must sacrifice my time for.

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A MOTHERS WISHES

1 Apr

Yesterday was the first day my baby started smiling back at me — Its the coolest thing in the world. I swear she has the cutest smile. and her giggle–my God, its better than the giggle from the baby on the teletubies! Im tellin ya’…i have a little ray of sunshine on my hands. She is going to spread joy and happiness everywhere she goes! I just know it.

I look out the kitchen window and i imagine what i will see in a year or two:

A wooden swing

A HUGE sandbox with lots of toys

A little play house

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a Barbie Jeep

A slide

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and a little pool.

 

 

my friends daughter is just two months older than Layla so we’ve concluded that they will be bffs 🙂

I picture my little Layla and her pal Tiffany playing out in the yard while i prepare them mini sandwiches and juice.

I think of all the fun things i want to do with Layla, all the places i want to take her to, and all the love i want to give her.

I want to be the best mom ever.

Bed time stories with a twist of crazy

30 Mar

I’ve been a story teller for all my little brothers, nefus and cousins for as long as i can remember. Now, mind you its not anything serious or proffesional. In fact, its anything but serious or proffesional. but hey, its kids dont like serious or proffesional stuff anyway. (WARNING: some parts are a bit gruesome, but my audience has always been little boys, and boys love this stuff.)

The following is a story I made up for my two nefu’s tonight:

Once upon a time there was a small house that sat right on top of a very steep hill. No one ever went up there because rumor had it that it was haunted.

BUT IT WASNT.

One day a boy named Joseph decided to go up there and when he peeked through one of the windows he saw a huge party going on inside!! There were tons of people dancing, and millions of balloons everywhere!! People were eating tons of cakes, candy, and soda!

“It’s NOT haunted…” Joseph realized. “I bet they made everyone think that so no one would come and crash these cool parties!”

So Joseph decided to knock on the door and see if they would let him in.

They opened the door, and were like, “Whats up man! come in bro’! have some cake!”

So Joseph ate and partied and had the best time of his LIFE!

–That is until the food made everyone sick.

Suddenly everyone was running around throwing up everywhere!!

But Joseph was the sickest out of everyone–he was even throwing up through his EARS!

So someone called 911 for him.

“911 what is your emergency?”

“Uh, yes hi. we have a really sick boy at the house here on elderberry street and we need you to come quick!”

“–wait. did you say…elderberry street? do you mean 301 Elderberry street??!”

“Yes, please come quick!”

at that moment the 911 operator knew they were talking about the haunted house and she was like, “Oh hells no!” and hung up, got on her knees and prayed.

She was positive a ghost had called her.

so unfortunately no ambulance went up to help Joseph, and Joseph was getting worse !

everyone gathered around him and started saying their goodbyes to Joseph, “Goodbye Joseph! Goodbye!” when suddenly an eagle came flying down from the sky and broke through one of the windows and started circling on top of Josephs body.

–you guys remember the Lion King right? the part where simba was about to die and there were seagulls or something flying above him?– Ok, well this was something like that. except this eagle thought Joseph was dead already and wanted to EAT him!

The eagle started to poke at Joseph with its sharp beak. So everyone ran around finding things to throw at the eagle to get him off Joseph. they hit him with broom sticks and threw irons at him.

Then Joseph opened his eyes a little, and when he saw how everyone was coming to his defense, it gave him a strength he didnt know he had. in fact…it was almost like he had a super power! He got up and started fighting the eagle on his on as everyone stood back and watched.

You wouldnt beleive it…but Joseph ended up breaking the eagles neck in half and killing it!

— nefu interrupts my story to ask, “Isnt killing eagles illegal?”–

Exactly. thats why Joseph ended up going to jail. but ill get to that in a second.

So, right after Joseph broke the eagles neck, there was silence in the room, and then suddenly everyone started clapping  louder and louder–there was so much excitement in the room. people were whistling and saying things like “YEeeeeeah!!!” and “ALRIGHT JOSEPH!!!”

but as you all know, killing an eagle IS illegal so soon after all that excitement everyone heard police sirens right outside the house — the cops were there to take Joseph away.

Now you might wonder why the cops went up to the house despite the haunted house rumors right? well the thing is they were there last year for a party so they knew it wasnt haunted.

–nefu interrupts again. “I thought they went up there because cops are brave…”–

OH. well…yes! of course. it was also because they were so brave. In fact they were some of the bravest cops EVER.

So anyway, Joseph ended up going to jail–for about 13 years, in which time he learned to knit sweaters and sell them on Ebay.

But he went on to be a great legend and everyone talked about him for years.

The End.

“Okay, now close your eyes and go to sleep.”

6.5 months pregnant!

24 Nov

The weeks seem to be going by so fast now! THEN again…i do sleep like a hybernating polar bear. thank GOD i dont look like one though! so far Ive gained 20 pounds but my doctor told me that im right on track and still need to gain more since im skinny. Im definately not dieting but im not going to give myself the “Im pregnant—i can eat what i want” pass. after all, eating for two doesnt mean you get to eat like chubacca. who ever made that lie up should choke on a wienie. i mean who says you get a free pass JUST because youre preggers?? its not like the baby really gets any nutrition from the nachos, twinkies, and ice cream sundaes. YOU on the other hand are left looking pregnant 6 months after the baby is born. and thats.not.fun. is it? no sir.

My thing is i dont want to look like a typical “mom”. I will not cut my hair into a short bob, or sport mom jeans *shudders* or ever buy a mini-van. I want to look something like THIS: 

well yes, i know i might be fantasizing, but hey, i can dream.

So far, I still dont have stretch marks, constipation, aches, pains, nausea, hemmoroids, or varicose veins.

I DO HOWEVER have a small broken capillarie on the back of my leg. it looks like a little red birth mark. I read that grape seed extract will make it go away.

also my right eye has been dry and red so i had to buy artificial tear drops. theyve been working great lately.

my skin has been behaving really well thanks to the coconut oil, Baking soda and lemon. no more break outs!

and did i mention i love my big boobs?? 🙂

now on to my sweet sweet child:

She is now close to 2 pounds, has begun to open and close her eyes (which are blue for now since all babies have that color in womb) shes surely growing curly little hair on her head by now, as well as eyelashes and eyebrows.

and the best part??! she kicks me all the time now! and hard!!

ive gotten used to her kicking me now, so i no longer make that dumb OMG face O_O now its more of a blissful happy face.

I cant wait to see her, hold her, change her diapers, feed her, carry her, and take her with me every where. and to think…only 3 more months!!!

now on to my baby/pregnancy purchases:

I bought head phones so Layla can listen to classical music:

Now i need to go find that classical CD! where oh where did i put it??

I also purchased this body pillow:

It was $80 on Amazon, and its alot like the snoogle (but better in my opinion.)

I also purchased this top:

I thought it would be really cool to wear this while im pregnant so i can make the tigers face pop out like 3D. yeah yeah. Im a nerd. haha…

I also bought this blanket for my baby girl:

is it not the softest cutest blanket ever?? me thinks yes 🙂

the sleepers i got her—totally couldn’t help myself. they were $8 each at Wallyworld 🙂

I also purchased a flat iron by Biosilk (the makers of CHI) these are usually $80 but i got it on sale for $25 *AND SHE SCOOOOOORES!!!*

ahem. got a little excited there.

Heres what it looks like:

Gotta keep my hair ‘did !!

I also placed an order online through a proffesional photo lab to print an 8 x 10 picture of my parents dancing at their anniversary party. I already have the frame for it. So im just waiting to receive the picture. I paid $16 for ONE picture. thats kind of outrageous spending for me since i love bargains and deals BUT you cant go cheap on somethings. especially picture quality. you get what you pay for there. I cant wait ’till my mom sees it. she has no idea im doing this 🙂 I think itll look really nice hung up on the living room wall next to the rest of the family pictures..

my baby shower will be within the next month or so, and my mom said shes getting me the crib (I love my momma!)

This is the crib shes getting me from my amazon baby registry 🙂

Also my brother is getting me the britax stroller and matching car seat ! Im so excited!

I dont really like any of the strollers ive seen (thats a nice way of saying they repulse me) but this one…this one I LIKE!

now on to the medical stuff:

I just had my glucose test the other day. my doctor said they will call me on monday if anything is wrong. I could be wrong but i think Im pretty healthy. So hopefully they wont call.

I also scheduled an ultrasound just so i could see my baby again but my mom doesnt think thats such a hot idea. she thinks too many ultrasounds might harm the baby. Ive had 4 so far. SO i guess ill just play it safe and wait until shes born.

Ive been taking my vitamins, herbs, minerals, and omega 3s religiously. I put them in these little baggies to make it easier to remember to take them. I recently added calcium and green zone capsules (a vegetable supplement.) so far i haven’t gotten sick and im feeling good!

Heres a pic from my 6 month photo shoot with my brothers and sister in law:

Cant wait to see whos cooking in there!

This is what i plan to wear when Im leaving the hospital after I deliver:

This is what i plan to wear 3 months after giving birth:

hopefully ill go back to my pre-pregnancy size sooner than expected:

 

Ill be breastfeeding, juicing, souping, eating vegan, taking my vitamins, using a body shaper, and exercising. So im pretty confident Ill be back in shape soon after my baby is born. I cant wait to be skinny again! I think thats what i miss the most ….other than that though, this pregnancy has been fairly easy and Im really thankful for that.

 

Life Is Like A Bowl Of Cherries

6 Oct

Ok not really. At least not my life! lol…my life is lemon filled. Sometimes its like a Lemon pie if I’m lucky. Other days its like a lemon. Right in your eye. with salt. and hot Tabasco sauce.

Yesterday was one of those days…

I saw my dad two days ago. I haven’t spoken to him in almost a year. He’s the person who beat me down verbally for many years.

I stopped talking to him and moved out. It kills him, that I wont talk to him…but it kills me to talk to him because hes so hurtful.

Anyway, the company I work for is a company he’s done a lot of business with over the years, so I guess I should’ve known I would see him one of these days but I was seriously hoping I wouldn’t. Then surprise surprise…He walked into the office right before I was leaving. He had a bright sunny smile on his face as he walked in. Then he saw me. There was a brief pause, a shock of surprise for both of us. I smiled politely and said, “Hey Dad.” He stared at me for a moment with his smile slowly fading. My boss then came up and acknowledged him, and I left.

As I drove away a lot of old feelings of not being perfect enough came up. One thing Ive learned about my Dad is that I will never be good enough in his eyes. I’m a “constant dissapointment to him.” That was back when I was living at home and could’ve easily been the poster girl for the 1950’s “goody-two-shoes.” I realized with the time there was nothing I could do to gain his approval. Nothing at all. And I gave up trying. No I didnt run out and get tattoos and a purple mullet hair cut. But I did move out, and start seeing a black guy. Now that I’m knocked up and single I wonder what he must think of me. Just “another disgrace” Im sure. As I drove, I got the sudden urge to cry. But I told myself I wouldn’t. I held it in and kept a straight face. I would not let his judgement keep affecting me anymore.

I went shopping and found Layla her “leaving the hospital” outfit at Gymboree. I also bought her some cute minnie mouse socks. It cheered me up a little to think of my baby girl.

The next day however, my boss asked me about the incident with my Dad. “I didnt know he was your father! Why didnt you two hug or something??” She asked. I couldnt tell her. I tried to play it off but she dug for more answers. Then she said it…I wish she wouldnt have. I didnt want to know.

She said after I left my Dad cried...He didnt know I was working there–no one had told him. He told my boss that we hadn’t spoken in a long time, “-and shes pregnant..” he cried to her. My boss said his lips quivered and she held his hand to comfort him. “He was really sad…” She said looking at me with her big puppy eyes. I knew she felt bad for him. everyone always does. See the thing about my dad is he can come across as the most charming man youve ever met. Hes also really emotional and cries more during sad movies than my mom does (its kind of embarassing sometimes.) BUT most people dont even have a clue how that guy could turn into someone else when the doors and curtains are shut.

Still though, I dont like putting our dirty laundry out there, and as much as he hurt me, I still dont want to damage his reputation. So I gave my boss a vague answer as to why I dont talk to him anymore. Still she wasnt letting it go. She kept mentioning how he cried. “Oh my dad…Hes so emotional,” I said trying to laugh it off. I think I came across as insensitive. I just didn’t want to open Pandora’s box and explode into a giant ball of unending mascara tears.

Truth is… It hurts to know my dad cried because I dont talk to him. I would LOVE to talk to my dad. I want a dad just as bad as he wants a daughter, but I know hes only going to hurt me. I already gave him a second chance in the past and he blew it.

The rest of the day I worked quietly, avoiding any thoughts about my Dad and my ex-fiance’. Its not easy going through a break up when your pregnant and then dealing with family drama. I sat at my desk assembling packets and told myself, “You are the luckiest girl in the world. You are the luckiest girl in the world. Everything in your life is fine and you are very happy.”

I know, I know. Its delusional lol…but you know what? It worked. It helped me keep my composure together.

The sad thing is my dad told my mom he saw me, and that he felt really normal about it. My mom asked how I felt. I lied and said I didn’t really feel anything. Truth is, it was emotional for the both of us but neither one is going to admit it. I guess we have some things in common.

I don’t know if Ill give him a third chance. Part of me wants to. The other part is scared.

Anyway, today was a much much better day!! I had lunch with my mom at Denny’s (we actually ordered the french toast breakfast though lol—hey there are no rules when it comes to food! Ive even had breakfast at night before and let me tell ya…it was awesome!) We had a nice time, laughing and talking. I honestly thank God for having her in my life.

This is random, but I just gotta say I prefer Denny’s over Ihop. I’ll take Ihop if there’s no Denny’s around, but in my opinion Denny’s makes better food. Ive tried the hashbrowns at both places and Denny’s totally wins..

At 5 pm my mom met me again for my ultrasound appointment. I got to see my precious little Layla again and MY GOD she has grown!!! I almost feel like shes my giga pet (remember those?!) and the more I feed it and take care of it, the more it grows–its just so exciting.

While my mom and I watched Layla on the screen, we saw her open and close her mouth and move her little legs around. “Did you see that??!” I would turn over excitedly and ask my mom. She just beamed with joy and shook her head as she stared at the monitor screen.

Now this might sound like bragging but she has such a cute little body! It looks like shes been working out in there!! I mean, WOW those are some lean shapely legs she has! not to mention a nicely shaped behind too! Again she didn’t get it from me *sigh. I wish. Must be from my Ex’s African American genes—His whole body is perfectly sculpted like a Greek statue.

*sigh. Too bad things didn’t work out between us. *deep sigh. *another sigh. I will miss that body. ='( *where are my tissues? *sniffle, sniffle.

Anyway, I’m glad I got to see my baby today. I cannot wait to hold her. Layla will be my little doll–I cant wait to dress her! I’m just so excited about her!! I’ve already bought her a TON of carters clothes that I got off of craigslist for a really good deal. I love getting good deals on clothes ^_^ I am not going to spend a fortune on clothes she will grow out of by the time I’m done sneezing lol..

My little Layla:

Her “leaving the hospital” outfit:

Bump pic from today:

I cant wait to see my little doll–4 more months! I’ve never been more excited about anything in my life =) !

The One Thing I Never Had

25 Sep

Did you ever want something really bad as a kid? I MEAN REALLY BAD. and you never got it…so then maybe you grew up and said to yourself, “Ill make sure my kid has what I didn’t.”

Life is different as a kid…for some reason, that popsicle or that toy is everything dreams are made of. You cant imagine a bigger happiness. Fireworks exploded in your eyes as a kid when you knew you were getting something you really wanted. For some reason as adults its harder to be that ecstatically happy even when we get what we want. Sure, we’re happy, but I bet you looked happier when your mom said she would get you the cereal box that came with the toy inside.

 

Its nice to see a child’s face so full of happiness with the simplest of things.

Well except now’a’days I’m sure they’re asking for things like Iphones, Ipads, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS, ect. Kids have gotten expensive…oh boy. I have no choice but to raise my kid in the boonies!! 

I mean seriously…otherwise she’ll never know what a real childhood is about. Its about adventure, freedom, somersaults, and fireflies. camping, climbing, playing, and underwater flips in the pool. The toy section in a big store, hopscotch and jumping rope. Sharing secrets with your best friend, rollerblading, bike riding, and going to sleep at night hopelessly happy after a warm bubble bath and a good bedtime story.

Sometimes though…theres still that ONE thing that you always wanted and never got.

For me, it was a dollhouse. God, how I wouldve died for a dollhouse. It wouldve been like hitting the jackpot for me as a kid. I wanted one sooooooo bad, but never dared to say a word.

We were middle class growing up. We lived in a cookie-cutter house in a nice quiet neighborhood, with more than  enough food in our fridge, and wore clothes from K-mart and Sears. My mom regularly bought me toys and dolls. I treasured each new doll I got. It seemed to make my mom happy to see how well I took care of my toys unlike my brothers who loved to break every new toy in a WWF wrestling match, or unscrew every thing apart just “to see what was inside.”

Still, I wasnt a spoiled brat. I couldnt get every toy or doll I wanted, unlike my “rich” best-friend. Her dad owned horses and they had a big pool in their backyard. Anytime a new barbie was out on commercials…Stacy already had it. I was glad she was my best friend though. She wasn’t stuck up, or mean. She was a nice girl with blonde hair and the slightest streak of freckles playing across the bridge of her nose. We would play “pony’s” and catch  butterfly’s together during recess. She always shared her snack bar money with me too (snack bar was open right before we got to go back to our classroom to watch a Disney movie on Friday’s.)

One of my fondest childhood memories is my dad surprising me with a new doll every so often when he would come home from work. I would light up with happiness unlike any other. He knew I loved dolls. When I was 10 he took me to Toys’R’Us because I had gotten good grades on my report card. He said I could pick out whatever I wanted. well…

I wanted a “boyfriend” for my barbie. 

He looked like he’d just realized his little girl wanted to date. He said NO. His face was a mixture of confusement and disgust. I looked at the handsome Ken Doll in the shiny box above me and pouted.

“Im sorry Barbie…I know youre lonely, but youll have a boyfriend soon, I promise,” I said to my barbie when I got home that night. I ran my hands down her long brown hair soothingly. I got the supermarket for barbie with a shopping cart and all the little canned food, as well as some new outfits for my barbies that day. My dad was surprised that was all I wanted. Really though, I wanted 5 Ken dolls for my barbies. But I knew there was no possibility in that happening. I would have to wait until my mom took me shopping. She would say yes, I was sure. After all, she knew the importance of having a man around!

Well I got the Ken dolls later.

However, I couldn’t bring myself to ask for was the dollhouse. In my mind it was too expensive to even think about asking for. I was a kid, and it just seemed outrageous to ask my parents for something above $100.  The thing is…my parents actually could’ve afforded it. When I grew up and told my mom about it, she just frowned and said, “I wish you would’ve told me how bad you wanted one as a kid. I would’ve bought you one.” GREAT. There’s something I wish I could go back in time and tell my dumb ten year old self.

Instead, I only dreamed. I would secretly go through my neighbors hallway closet and pull out her moms sewing book because in the front pages there was a big picture of a beautiful dollhouse and all its rooms majestically adorned. I would stare at that picture for as long as I could before I heard someone coming. For some reason I couldnt let anyone know how badly I wanted a dollhouse. It was my secret.

One summer, when I was around 10, my dad took me and my family into the Home Depot for a home purchase he needed to make. I walked around calmly without a care when suddenly, there they were before my eyes… the most beautiful Dollhouses sitting in a perfect row on display. My mouth slowly gaped in amazement as I walked up to them. There seemed to be glitter and stars floating around those dollhouses. It was such a magical moment for me.  They were no longer in a picture book or in my neighbors sewing book. They were real and I could put my hand up and touch them. Some had house lights that worked and some had porches. They were…perfect.

Then I looked down at the prices. They were all over $100. My heart dropped. No way would I ever get one of those, I thought. I heard my parents calling me and I quickly left the dollhouses to go catch up to them.

Two years passed by. I was 12, and almost a teenager, but I was as innocent as a lamb and I still played with my barbies. So did my friends. Times were different back then. One day we were helping the librarian in our school clean out her library. She was getting rid of a lot of toys she had on display and my friends were scoring a lot of cool things. I looked around for something to ask her for since she was being so generous. I saw a Dollhouse book on display on a top shelf. It was a really tall book that unfolded into a doll house. It looked almost new and I didn’t really think she wanted to get rid of it, but I took my chances anyway and asked her for it. She looked down at it, and thought about it for a moment, her oval glasses hanging at the tip of her nose. I bit my lower lip and looked up at her with my pleading brown eyes. I wanted it more than anything in the world and I think she saw that. There was a pause. Then she tilted her head to one side and said, “OK, you can have it. But take care of it.” I smiled so big and held on to that dollhouse book so tight. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. For a whole year after, I spent countless hours playing with it. I would carefully open it all around, tie the strings together to hold it open, and let my imagination take over as I took my dolls inside the different rooms. It wasn’t a wooden Dollhouse, but it was the only Dollhouse I had, and even if it was a few years too late, it made me happy in my last year of childhood.

I think back on how badly I had wanted a Dollhouse and I pray my little girl will be as girly as I was. I will surprise her with the most beautifulest Dollhouse shes ever seen. I will handcraft it myself and adorn every room with as much detail as a real house. It might take me a few years, but I want it to be perfect for her. Im so happy Im having a girl. If she ends up being a Tom-boy Ill just have to keep the dollhouse thing as a hobby and join her in her mud races and tree climbing. (But Im crossing my fingers she’ll be into dolls and tutus haha.)

I Got Fired From My Job

21 Sep

Yes. I was fired. My Boss sat there behind his big oak desk and said, “Im just gonna have to let you go!” With a cold empty look in his eyes.

Did i cry? Did i beg? Did i try to reason with him?

No of course not.

I shook my head agreeably as if we were having a normal conversation and calmly said, “I understand.” He probably assumed that inside i was thinking he was being unfair so he kept talking, explaining to me how my mistakes could have cost him his legal licence and whatnot. I just kept repeating myself more firmly, “-I understand.” I didn’t need his petty excuses. None of it made sense anyway.

So what got me fired? I cant say for sure, but a good part of me thinks its the fact that I’m pregnant.

I was called into my bosses office as soon as i arrived to work. He seemed very upset and demanded to know what happened with the client i had rescheduled. I mentioned that i rescheduled him because I could not get the information we needed for his criminal past. It was obvious that he didnt want to know the whys or hows, so I kept it short and simple. He then told me I had no right to reschedule anyone without his permission. I sat there confused because he knew I had done it a few days ago and waited until now to bring it up? I didnt say anything though. I knew that if I asked questions or tried to reason with him, it wouldnt get us anywhere. He was determined in letting me go and I could see it. There was no pity in his eyes. “After we had a month review and I told you what you needed to work on, and now you do this? Im just going to have to let you go!” He said matter-of-factly.

What was in the months review list?

1. always answer his calls–which he thought I ignored at one point, and became enraged, when really i had simply not heard his call coming in. with 3 lines ringing for me at the same time, trying to process a clients payment, and trying to hear myself over everyone elses loud voice was just pure mayhem that day.

2. tell someone I was leaving to lunch. apparently someone told our manager that I simply left without telling anyone I was going to lunch and as a result a client was left waiting for half and hour unattended. I was in disbelief because I’ve never left without telling someone I was going to lunch. I don’t know who lied to my manager…

The other two things were about improving my ability to multi-task and not keeping customers waiting on the line too long. I didn’t really know what they wanted from me. They would tell me the customers on the phone line didnt matter as much as the ones there for a consultation–I could call the other ones back later. Then they would tell me the opposite. I was misguided and uninformed. And It was almost impossible to take three diffrent calls, help two customers in person, process payments, translate for the boss, and write everything in the computer ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Sorry but thats not multi-tasking–thats called “YOURE CRAZY!”

At the end of that meeting, my boss had told me “he understood i was new and didn’t expect me to get it right away.” He smiled to reassure me, but I only thought about the times he had screamed at me. It didnt seem like he really understood. Still I was glad to hear the things I was doing right. He mentioned I was always on time, very friendly with customers and dressed very professionally.

After he fired me, I turned my keys in to my manager, got my things and left.

When I got home, I called my fiance’ (yes were back together.)

I cried and sobbed to him. “What am I gonna do now?? I have bills to pay and they come every month.” I felt so hopeless being pregnant. “Who’s going to hire me now? I’m showing! No ones going to hire me!” I cried. I sat on my bed like a six year old with tears streaming down my face.

My fiance’ comforted me and told me everything would be alright. “He would take care of me.” He was really supportive, listened to everything I had to say on the matter, and at the end when I said, “I dont know If I just have bad luck at work…or maybe Im just really dumb,” I sniffled. With a firm voice he responded, “NO. Youre not dumb. Dont say that. it has nothing to do with that.” He told me he had to catch a plane but he would be texting me throughout the day to check up on me.

And he did. I thought it was so sweet of him, to be checking on me, and offering me words of encouragement and hope.

After making him suffer last week, he came back ready to commit fully this time. He promised he would never bring up “the phone call” again (Ill choke him if he does.) He really thought he was losing me, and making him think that really made him appreciate me. Ever since then hes been way more affectionate towards me, in a way that hes never been before. Its as if Im his Goddess now and he worships me lol…When they ask you “what do you want? Ill give you anything you want!” You know youve got them pretty hooked.

We went out recently to his favorite taco place, and had a nice evening date. We held hands across the table and talked. Some where along the conversation he mentioned his “to-get list.” I frowned. “Whats a to-get list?” I asked.

“Oh, you know…things to get for the baby,” He said biting into a taco.

I smiled and stared at him. “I thought I was the only one who had made a list like that…” I said a little surprised.

“UH-UH.” He said shaking his head seriously.

I laughed a little. “Ok, so whats on your to-get list?” I asked out of curiosity.

He paused, his mind in obvious thinking-mode. “Well, first,” he said, “A good camera. Because were gonna need a good camera to take pictures of Layla.”

I smiled. He is so sweet.

“baby, but i have a camera…a good one,” I said.

“You do? what kind is it?” He asked.

“A Cannon. it takes really good pictures–I always get compliments on them.”

“Ok.” He said.

“What else is on your list?” I asked.

“Uhm…You know, like the crib and stuff, but also decorations for the nursery, like little lights and stars to hang up on the walls.” (hes a galaxy and planet lover–It may be a little on the nerdy side but I love the stars and galaxies too so we might be two nerds with one one little nerd on the way 🙂

It just melts my heart when I hear him talk like that. I mean HOW FRIKIN’ CUTE IS THAT?! A man that thinks about his unborn baby enough to not want to miss a moment so his first thought is of having a good camera, and he even thinks of the nursery decorations too?? I think its adorable. I dont know many other father-to-be’s that are that involved.

When we got back to his place he put his hand on my stomach for a long time, trying to feel the baby move, but I think she stops moving when she feels a hand on my stomach (Ive noticed that from when I do it too.) He even bent down and put his ear on my stomach. “Are you trying to hear my stomach digest??” I laughed. I love his enthusiasm though.

Unfortunately I had a runny nose, that turned into a cold, and I think I got my Fiance’ sick too. I felt sooooo bad especially because he really needs his voice. I texted him a couple of home remedies since he was already in NY the other day. poor thing. Well he texted back saying, “Hi beautiful! Thanks for the tips, I think Ill try them since I woke up feeling pretty bad today. I think I got sick because I travel so much though.”

WHaT?! hes not blaming me? I know I got him sick but it was really sweet of him to blame it on his traveling just to make me feel good. Hes so awesome 🙂 Then later he thanked me again for the tips, saying, “You really care about me dont you?”

“Of course 🙂 I love you.” I texted back. He said it was the nicest thing to know he was cared for. See? now he doesnt take any of my kindness for granted haha 😉 Its so much better seeing this side of him.

later that day I pulled my recovering self out of bed, to do a photo shoot for my brother, since Id promised him. Im not a certified photographer or anything, but it is a hobby of mine and I always get compliments from people, friends and family on the pictures i take. Im an artist at heart. I really love photography. My mom and my fiance’ keep telling me I should pursue it.

Anyway the photo shoot was a lot of fun–I did it for my brother and his friends senior pictures. We shot them up in a historic park with great scenery. I thought it was so cute how my brothers friend thought I was really a pro. I haven’t gone to school for photography so I cant call myself a “Pro” but I follow basic principles: I pack everything, from camera, batteries, extra batteries, snacks, water and make-up (yes make-up for guys too) and I am on time.  I pose them, and give them feedback as I take pictures like, “Yes, thats good, that looks really good, perfect. Thats a great picture right there.” Im really passionate about it. I know about lighting, shutter speeds, angles and how to edit pictures afterwards for  optimal appearance. Thats one reason my little brother wanted to go with me instead of a proffesional studio–He knows I can edit the pictures nicely. After the photo shoot was over, my brothers friend was looking at the pictures I took on my camera and exclaimed, “Wow, youre really good!” and of course…thats music to my ears.

…Its always nice to know youre good at something 🙂 !

Later that night, I was in front of my lovely computer editing the pictures and I thought, “Why not listen to some music and make it more fun?” So I put on my headphones and YouTubed some oldies. Layla had been very still all night. But the moment I started singing along to the everly brothers “all i have to do is dream” she started moving and moving! I thought it was so funny. After that song I heard some disney classics and she didnt move too much anymore. Then this morning, just for kicks, I started singing the song by the everly brothers again and suddenly she starts moving! She must really like that song haha…My fiance loves music and so do I, so it doesnt really surprise me that we might have a little musician in the making, but i think its cute that she already has music preferences! Oh my little Layla…

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