Tag Archives: life

MOMMY TALK

3 Aug

I haven’t written in a long while — which makes me feel bad because there’s SO much going on in my life and i want to write it all down before i forget it forever. then i end up telling a story where i cant remember what really happened. See this is why couples end up with different stories 20 years later! he thinks theyve been married 23 years and she insists its 25 (although I would lean more towards believing a woman since were more peculiar about important dates.)

But where oh where is the time when youre a single full-time working mother?? I barely have time to eat sometimes!

Anyway, I want to document something special about Layla…

She will be 6 months old soon, and she is the most amazing little human being i have ever met. It feels wonderful that I get to see her every day if only for a few hours. It was hard leaving her with my mom, and not getting to see her all day. At first I felt mad at the universe and thought, “I cant even raise my own damn daughter.” I was just pissed that other moms get to see there babies all day, and unfortunately I cant because I have to work. But I came to terms with it. I accept it now and Im just happy I have someone very special to come home to. Plus I know Layla is well taken care of with my mom and she really LOVES my mom — she always get sooooo happy when she hears my moms voice.

Shes lost some of her baby fat since i started pumping. I realized i was over producing and over feeding her.  I think she also stretched out a little. I know babies get cuter as they get bigger and I dont know if its just motherly love but i just think Layla is gorgeous. her little face just takes my breath away. especially in the mornings when i wake up next to her and shes sleeping like a little diva.

she gets a ton of attention every time we go out somewhere — people just go nuts over her! strangers just seem to fall in love with her. my brother actually told me –get this— “I dont know how you did it but you have the cutest baby in the world.” well thanks for the insult/compliment haha!

My dad just loves her to pieces. shes his pride and joy.

Layla can now turn over rapidly, has two bottom teeth, and loves grasping objects.  She’s a very bright girl. When she wants to be carried, she doesnt cry — she fake coughs. being her mom, i know when shes really coughing and when shes not. she sounds like a really bad actress and makes these face expressions as if she hopes im buying it. when i lean over her and pretend to worry, she stops and then fake coughs a little more. As soon as i carry her I notice a little smile on her face and i chuckle a little, to which she just full out starts laughing like she knows what she did!

Her hair has grown so much i actually had to cut it. I kept it in a little plastic bag. Im not very sentimental to things like hair or teeth but for some reason I just couldnt throw away her hair! ugh. Im officially a mom i guess. *snorts

Can you believe megan fox is preggo again????! what!!! you hear of all these other stars waiting until theyre 30 and 40 to finally have children but not megan fox. I guess shes not as vain as she seems huh?

Im actually excited about my friends getting pregnant now! I couldnt care less before I was a mom. I mean, sure it was cool “someone was going to have a baby”. BUT NOW its like “OMYGOD!!! YOURE PREGNANT!!! LOL!!!” *tears

why am i so emotional about that? sheesh i weird myself out.

Im still breastfeeding, even though Ive gotten plugged ducts twice and mastitis once. hey im the first in my family to breastfeed so im learning as i go. ive learned though that pure cranberry juice from a health store is a breast feeding mothers best friend 🙂 drink that at the first signs of a plugged duct and youll be just fine.

Oh and layla has tried biting me while i nurse her but i just push her face against my boob for a second so she cant breath and she releases her chompers right away. problem solved.

I have to say the first few months of being a new mom are HARD but its finally getting to the point where i am just THRILLED to be a mom.

 

Precious Moments

2 Jul

I just want more time to love my baby. I love laying with her on my bed breastfeeding her with the window open and the cool breeze blowing in (i live in a rural area and dont have neighbors.) As she lays next to me, she has one arm behind her head, completely relaxed and her other little hand clutches my breast as if to make sure no one takes her food from her. Her little legs are slightly crossed, her tiny toes touching my legs. Her skin is so baby soft and smooth. I love to take her little hand and run my fingers over it sometimes. Its amazing how small her hand is compared to mine. But its more than that. I marvel at how beautiful her little fingers are. I just love them.
I kiss her forehead gently as she starts to fall asleep while nursing. Sometimes I sing the itsy bitsy spider to her, but I forget the words and end up humming it.
I really need to learn the words to these nursery songs haha.
Work was hectic today just because layla is teething and was screaming/crying all day at the office. I was on the phone with our computer tech when she started crying so loud that I could no longer hear him. I apologized, and then quickly hung up. I didnt even wait for him to say good bye. I decided to take her home early and we watched a movie together at home- Some country movie with gwyneth paltrow and leighton meester. It was pretty sad…made me cry at the end. But hey at least I got to watch a whole movie today!
Hopefully layla has a better day tommorow-she seemed like she was in alot of pain today, poor thing. I hope her two bottom teeth cut through soon-shes gonna look so cute with her lil chompers haha!

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Getting our outfits ready for work in the morning

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Her first doll

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My lil sunshine

IT TAKES ALOT OF BALLS

29 Jun

I realized something the other day..

 

I can write more freely in my personal diary vs the one here online…mostly because alot of things that happen in my life are too risky to write about. For example, Laylas dad emailed me two weeks ago. I cant go into details but basically I feel like im katie holmes and hes tom cruise. They are very smart and dangerous…we comunicated nicely though, no verbal attacks. People would be shocked though if they knew whats really going on…and who laylas dad really is.

But enough about that. a few days ago I had SUCH  bad day and meant to blog about it but of course didnt have time.

It started the night before when my mom brought up bad memories of me and laylas dad, I guess in an effort to remind me and ensure I never go back. Ive told her many times that I would never do that and to please not bring up bad memories because they really hurt me. she does it anyway. You see as bad as things were I dont hate him, because if I hated him I would be hurting myself. So I went to sleep sad after everything my mom told me.

The next day, I drove to work with layla, feeling overwhelmed with all the work that awaited me, and all the other things I mentally had to schedule. As soon as I got to work I got in trouble for parking in the wrong spot. then the fax machine wouldnt work and I had to get some faxes sent out imeadiatly. I had a stack of work I was behind on and layla was being difficult. I was so stressed out and tried not to cry. I try so hard doing two jobs at the same time but its reeeeally overwhelming! Then I had to rush home at 2 pm for my bible study. The person who studies with me is so nice. I think shes one of the few people that understands me. She hand crocheted a bib for layla in mint color-i loved it!

After she left, I had to do laundry, changed laylas diaper again, feed her, play with her, and write down a to-do list and reminders. I also took layla a bath. I barely have time to eat. Usually im wolfing down the food before she starts to cry again.

I never watch a full show or movie anymore. I just get snipets here or there. There is no “me time”. On top of everything im worried about laylas dad, I have to read a book for laylas health and well being, and I am planning a beach party.

It takes alot of balls to live in my shoes. Just sayin.

 

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Life of A Single Working Mom

5 Jun

I’ll be honest and to the point: I feel neglected.

I work hard to keep my parents happy at home, even if that means taking on some of their responsibilities, or putting what I have to do aside to spend family time with them. I honestly dont feel like I have time to sit down AT ALL with the list of things i have to do. When I do sit down, I feel guilty about it. I long for the day when I wont feel guilty about sitting down to relax. I dont even think I really relax when Im supposed to relax now that I think of it…

Anyway, Ive gotten very little sleep as of lately because Layla has started teething and wakes me up numerous times in the wee hours of the morning. Then I have to get up early for work, even though my body is screaming NO. today my dad asked me to come in earlier since my sister was sick and wouldn’t be at the office. So I had to wake up an hour earlier. that sure felt nice.

Once at work I have to multi task between inputting data in the computer, (with piles of invoices piling up faster and faster) making numerous phone calls and nursing Layla, changing her diapers, giving her attention, as well as snapping some pictures of her adorable moments since they are oh so fleeting.

It sounds nice but the reality is that Im usually really stressed out, playing catch up with my office work, holding layla on my lap, with a phone to my ear, and somehow trying to write something down, while holding the phone between neck and shoulder while Layla is being noisy and throwing a fit.

I work over-time almost every day trying to catch up on my work since Layla takes up so much of my time. At the same time Im torn with the thought of leaving her at home and not seeing her for 8 hours! thats a huge chunk of the day! SO i just suck it up. put my big girl panties on.

I have to ask myself though: when do I get to really breath? I guess not any time soon.

I feel exhausted.

Today I could barely walk from exhaustion. I wish someone noticed.

I wish someone asked, “Oh how do you feel?”

but no one ever asks me. they all immediately go towards Layla to pick her up. Then they say things to her like, “oh poor baby must be soooo tired!” uh-huh. I cant help but roll my eyes a little. I know they’re just being cute talking to her like that but after my long hectic day, it just feels wrong that they dont acknowledge me but quickly run to get my baby and those words pop out.

When everyones getting sick no one asks if I got whats going around. But they ask if Layla is showing any symptoms of the cold. the concern in their voice is without a doubt the most sincere. They love her to death. My 17 year old brother says hes going to buy her a hello kitty power wheels corvette when shes a little older. My sister is itching to buy her all sorts of toys but is holding herself back until she can at least grasp them. My dad said he’ll more than likely buy her an ipad mini or a cell phone if she asks him for one. Its going to be hard to keep her from being a “princess” with my family but I’ll at least try to make her a princess that can kick some ass.

Anyway I love Layla and I love that everyone loves my baby…but I just started noticing that it seems like I dont even exist to anyone anymore. Im just that person that works way too much, sleeps too little, and no one notices.

I guess I kind of wish there was at least ONE person who would put their hand on my shoulder from time to time and say “I know how you feel and I care about you.” Okay maybe I sound really cheezy and weird. ugh.

Sometimes Im scared that Im making all these sacrifices for Layla, to care for her, to be with her, to protect her, to provide for her….and what if she hates me one day? that really upsets me. I’ve never loved anyone more, or cared for anyone more. I guess I feel vulnerable. and it sucks. I dont think I would ever put myself in this position for a guy. but I do it for my baby.

Well Im going to go take a shower. My mom says she’ll watch Layla while I shower. Im sure this shower will feel like the spa treatment of a lifetime with angels singing.

By the way my mom absolutely adored the ring my dad gave her. OF COURSE SHE DID…I helped pick it, and i know exactly what she likes. plus Im a girl. girls know what girls like 😉

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My brother David, me and Layla at our family reunion over the weekend.

A Ring For My Mother

28 May

Im not dead but my phone is. I accidentally dropped it this weekend…it cracked, the screen doesn’t work, therefore I am declaring my phone dead….it took horrible pictures. I will not miss it.

 

Life has been CRAZY busy lately…..I love blogging, I just wish I had more time—seriously!

Just wanted to make a quick post to say that baby Layla has started alot of first’s in the past few days!! The one that really gets me is yesterdays–she started to giggle!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! it was ahh-DO-rable…*loud sigh. I love my baby =) Shes 3.5 months now.

This weekend is our first family reunion at my parents house (yes, we’ve never had one before. like ever.) my dad said we should have one before someone dies. eh. thats a good reason.

There is SO much were doing to our house to get it in tip top shape, as well as the landscaping. Its stressful but I think everything will look nice by this saturday. fingers crossed.

my dad is going to surprise my mom with a ring this saturday. She lost her wedding ring, and has wanted a new one for a while now. so he wants to get her one. I had to be sneaky and figure out her ring size. she doesnt suspect anything as of yet. I also want to go with my dad to help pick it out, since my mom is very picky about that kind of stuff.

I got this idea…..hopefully my dad likes it. We buy a broom, wrap it up in a box, and have my mom open it at the reunion in front of all our family. As soon as she sees what it is, her face will be priceless, but then my dad will come in with the real present, and everyone will laugh, and “ooh” and “ahh” over the ring.  what do you think?

Ok, well I gotta run and get ready for work, because me and my little one have to make that mula! hopefully Ill be able to blog again soon because I have words dying to pour outta me! who needs a shrink when you have a blog right?? haha, talk to you soon.

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my progress 3.5 weeks after having Layla. I dont diet or exercise, but I do breastfeed.

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Layla doing tummy time on my desk.

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she is SUCH a grandpas girl 😉

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this is how we work sometimes (no joke)

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my happy girl!!

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the love of my life.

 

Im So Happy ^_^

12 May

Lately I’ve noticed that Im usually happy for no reason in particular. Im just really happy…and its ODD.

I mean, you’d think I was in-love or something. I dance around the kitchen and feel happy to hear the birds chirping outside. When I ask myself why Im so happy Im a little stumped.

I think Layla brings a WHOLE CHUNK of happiness into my life. I never knew a baby could do that. I guess thats why some people want kids so bad? hmm I dont know, but she sure makes me laugh and smile with joy every day.

Im also happy that Im doing financially well again. Thats a big one. Being a single mom, I know I could have it so much harder, but thanks to my dad Im able to save on rent, utilities, food and daycare. The only thing I buy is diapers. My dad even bought me a huge box of baby wipes during his last trip to Costco (I’ll be good for a few months with that huge box!) He said next time he’ll get me a big pack of batteries for the baby swings (I keep one at the office and one at home.)

I feel a HUGE weight off my shoulders thanks to my dad. Thanks to him me and my little girl are ok. That is a big part of my happiness I think. I mean, I couldn’t imagine being happy if I was still struggling the way I was before.

Well today my little chunkster is 12 weeks old! She has started teething so I ordered the amber necklace off amazon (I got the honey one) and I also ordered the hyland homeopathic teething tablets. Both things have great reviews so Im crossing my fingers.

I LOVE bonnets with matching dresses! I got her this one at TJ Maxx.

My friend saw Layla today and said she loved her little dress, and I quickly raised it up and said, “And she has the matching underwear too!” My friend started laughing and said, “Right, because when our underwear matches we have to raise our dress and show everyone !” She pretended to raise her dress jokingly. We both started laughing — she cracks me up. She doesn’t have any kids and she used to say she didn’t like kids (I used to say I didn’t want kids) but now I have one and shes always carrying my friends baby or mine and she changes poop explosions with no problem (she seriously would be a great nurse!) Funny how things change sometimes.

With Layla getting bigger and all I decided I needed to start looking for a Jumperoo for her. Well guess what? I found one on craigslist for such a great deal!! Its the rain forest jumperoo. Its $100 at Wal-mart. Im getting it for $35. Its clean, nothings broken or missing, and its gently used. SCORE.

Maybe some parents feel weird about getting anything used for there kids and thats ok if you have the money to buy everything new. But I dont mind doing a little washing and disinfecting. Honestly I think having a baby doesn’t have to be expensive. I think its just up to the parent, and how much they’re willing to spend.

They tell me kids get more expensive as they grow older. particularly when they learn to talk and ask for things. And when they play on their knees, and rip their jeans and scuff their shoes. I know I will buy Layla lots of clothes and toys but I’ll just do it the way I’ve been doing it: I buy things on clearance or at bargain prices.

Well, Its Sunday and I have alot of mommy duties calling my name. Have a great great Sunday wherever you’re at! ^_^

Moving Back in With My Parents

28 Mar

This past saturday me and my sister were supposed to go to the mall to get my baby girls ears pierced (my sister wants to buy her her first pair of earrings–how sweet!) BUT…

I ended up moving. it was kind of unexpected. my dad and brother came by my place with a u-haul truck early saturday morning and helped move all my stuff to my parents house. I knew i would eventually move up to my parents house, i just didnt know it would be so soon.

Anyway I got my brothers old room which i had painted in blue stripes a few years ago. its a little boy-ish but i really dont have the time to re-paint it so im just going to have to get used to a blue room. at least the colors are soothing 🙂

being back home is AWESOME.

my mom is helping me with Layla so much–she loves to burp her for me, hold her for me, bathe her for me, ect. shes such a great grandma. and her cooking…oh man. i wish everyone had a mother who cooked like mine. seriously. Its like having a five star chef in your home.

My dad is so happy to have his grand daughter around. it really seems to make his day to see her when he gets home from work. Im so glad that my little girl is so loved and accepted.

waking up and seeing her little face in the mornings makes me so happy. I cant beleive i made such a precious thing in my belly! I used to think it was weird when i would see moms laughing at any little thing their babies did, and now i understand it. Layla doesnt have to do much to make me laugh with absolute giddy joy. She makes me HAPPY. in fact im happier now than ive ever been.

 

 

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*sigh. I love her so much =)

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