Tag Archives: mother

MOMMY TALK

3 Aug

I haven’t written in a long while — which makes me feel bad because there’s SO much going on in my life and i want to write it all down before i forget it forever. then i end up telling a story where i cant remember what really happened. See this is why couples end up with different stories 20 years later! he thinks theyve been married 23 years and she insists its 25 (although I would lean more towards believing a woman since were more peculiar about important dates.)

But where oh where is the time when youre a single full-time working mother?? I barely have time to eat sometimes!

Anyway, I want to document something special about Layla…

She will be 6 months old soon, and she is the most amazing little human being i have ever met. It feels wonderful that I get to see her every day if only for a few hours. It was hard leaving her with my mom, and not getting to see her all day. At first I felt mad at the universe and thought, “I cant even raise my own damn daughter.” I was just pissed that other moms get to see there babies all day, and unfortunately I cant because I have to work. But I came to terms with it. I accept it now and Im just happy I have someone very special to come home to. Plus I know Layla is well taken care of with my mom and she really LOVES my mom — she always get sooooo happy when she hears my moms voice.

Shes lost some of her baby fat since i started pumping. I realized i was over producing and over feeding her.  I think she also stretched out a little. I know babies get cuter as they get bigger and I dont know if its just motherly love but i just think Layla is gorgeous. her little face just takes my breath away. especially in the mornings when i wake up next to her and shes sleeping like a little diva.

she gets a ton of attention every time we go out somewhere — people just go nuts over her! strangers just seem to fall in love with her. my brother actually told me –get this— “I dont know how you did it but you have the cutest baby in the world.” well thanks for the insult/compliment haha!

My dad just loves her to pieces. shes his pride and joy.

Layla can now turn over rapidly, has two bottom teeth, and loves grasping objects.  She’s a very bright girl. When she wants to be carried, she doesnt cry — she fake coughs. being her mom, i know when shes really coughing and when shes not. she sounds like a really bad actress and makes these face expressions as if she hopes im buying it. when i lean over her and pretend to worry, she stops and then fake coughs a little more. As soon as i carry her I notice a little smile on her face and i chuckle a little, to which she just full out starts laughing like she knows what she did!

Her hair has grown so much i actually had to cut it. I kept it in a little plastic bag. Im not very sentimental to things like hair or teeth but for some reason I just couldnt throw away her hair! ugh. Im officially a mom i guess. *snorts

Can you believe megan fox is preggo again????! what!!! you hear of all these other stars waiting until theyre 30 and 40 to finally have children but not megan fox. I guess shes not as vain as she seems huh?

Im actually excited about my friends getting pregnant now! I couldnt care less before I was a mom. I mean, sure it was cool “someone was going to have a baby”. BUT NOW its like “OMYGOD!!! YOURE PREGNANT!!! LOL!!!” *tears

why am i so emotional about that? sheesh i weird myself out.

Im still breastfeeding, even though Ive gotten plugged ducts twice and mastitis once. hey im the first in my family to breastfeed so im learning as i go. ive learned though that pure cranberry juice from a health store is a breast feeding mothers best friend 🙂 drink that at the first signs of a plugged duct and youll be just fine.

Oh and layla has tried biting me while i nurse her but i just push her face against my boob for a second so she cant breath and she releases her chompers right away. problem solved.

I have to say the first few months of being a new mom are HARD but its finally getting to the point where i am just THRILLED to be a mom.

 

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Precious Moments

2 Jul

I just want more time to love my baby. I love laying with her on my bed breastfeeding her with the window open and the cool breeze blowing in (i live in a rural area and dont have neighbors.) As she lays next to me, she has one arm behind her head, completely relaxed and her other little hand clutches my breast as if to make sure no one takes her food from her. Her little legs are slightly crossed, her tiny toes touching my legs. Her skin is so baby soft and smooth. I love to take her little hand and run my fingers over it sometimes. Its amazing how small her hand is compared to mine. But its more than that. I marvel at how beautiful her little fingers are. I just love them.
I kiss her forehead gently as she starts to fall asleep while nursing. Sometimes I sing the itsy bitsy spider to her, but I forget the words and end up humming it.
I really need to learn the words to these nursery songs haha.
Work was hectic today just because layla is teething and was screaming/crying all day at the office. I was on the phone with our computer tech when she started crying so loud that I could no longer hear him. I apologized, and then quickly hung up. I didnt even wait for him to say good bye. I decided to take her home early and we watched a movie together at home- Some country movie with gwyneth paltrow and leighton meester. It was pretty sad…made me cry at the end. But hey at least I got to watch a whole movie today!
Hopefully layla has a better day tommorow-she seemed like she was in alot of pain today, poor thing. I hope her two bottom teeth cut through soon-shes gonna look so cute with her lil chompers haha!

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Getting our outfits ready for work in the morning

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Her first doll

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My lil sunshine

Im Worried

8 May

My mom is sick. She thinks she might have leukemia.

I dont want her to be sick…shes not supposed to be sick. Shes supposed to be healthy and live a long time. This is isnt suppose to happen.

She even talks about her dying. It makes me mad. WHY is she talking about death like shes giving up? Why would she just t hrow in the towel so soon?? I dont know what to do to help her. I feel frustrated.

Onto other news, my dad is hiring someone to put down tile flooring in our house. He wants it done before next month because next month hes planning a family reunion at our house. That’ll be fun. We’ve never had a family reunion. I cant wait 🙂 !

But it means this will be a busy busy month for me since I have less than 30 days to make this a reunion everyone will remember. I live for the small details 😉

Im off to go fold laundry. and get some sleep. I swear I dont know how I function with the little sleep I get. taking care of a baby and working a job is hard. I just push myself mentally to keep going. I do it for my precious pumpkin. Gotta take care of her, and make that money.

Ex boyfriends…

7 May

I had a boyfriend a couple years ago who broke my heart. No he did not cheat on me. He did however play with my feelings.

He’s the only guy who’s ever broke my heart, and when he broke it, I mean he shattered it. that bastard.

I will spare you the story of how I was depressed for a year, cried, had anger bouts, dressed in black and turned emo because of him. Stupid I know.

 

 

I learned my lesson though…I never fell in love like that again. I’ve loved after that but I have never let myself fall-in love like that again. Its like bungee jumping and not knowing if the rope is secure.

Anyway, years passed by without hearing a word from him. Then one day out of the blue he e-mailed me.

That Devil had the decency to e-mail me.

He wanted to apologize. He wanted to apologize… *narrows eyes then chuckles to self*

I had wanted to hear those two words for a long time. Then I didn’t care anymore–I was over it, and I was healed already, but it still felt nice to hear an apology. 

Then he wanted to get back together. I said no. Hell’s no. He was persistent.  He talked about how well his business was doing, the luxurious car he was driving, how he would never meet a girl like me again, called me all the sweetest nick names he could think of, and took all my insults very graciously.

He tried to get me to think of all the nice moments we had together and i would just say I couldn’t remember any of them. “Oh. but I do remember the times you made me cry 🙂 !” I rubbed it in his face until he couldn’t take it anymore and begged me to stop.

He tried to seduce me with a shirtless pic of his six pack and I would reply with “ewww…put a shirt on.” I was basically a bitch to him. He said that made him like me even more.

I even told him I wouldn’t visit him if he was dying of cancer. he was still persistent after that.

Finally I cut him off from contacting me ever again. I deleted my facebook, changed my number and blocked his email.

2 years later…

He tells my little brother to tell me he says hi, along with some compliments. I could tell in his messages to my brother that he wants to open communication lines with me again. and it was pretty bold of him to contact my brother when he’s never even spoke to my brother before. I could only think one thing: Hes trying too hard.

I cant help but roll my eyes and shake my head. seriously??? Why is he reaching out to me? we did not end well, need i remind him? we are not friends. 

I find it amusing that i suffered a massive heart break over him and years later hes still thinking of me. Who would’ve ever thought?? If someone would’ve told me this would happen then, I wouldn’t have believed it.

I would never give him a second chance though because I honestly dont think he’s changed or ever will change. Im not about to take a chance and figure out he’s the same person. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me.

It makes me smile though and walk with a pep in my step when I think of the saying “what goes around comes around.”

It sure does.

 

Weekend Outfit

29 Apr

I thought I would start doing some outfit of the day posts on here. Ill be posting what Im wearing, where its from, and if I can remember Ill put the prices as well. Most of the things I wear are not expensive. I looooove sales and bargains!! If I can get an added discount off an already discounted top or blouse my day is made. heck, I even haggle on craigslist when the price is already low. lol…yeah i guess im cheap haha. but at least id like to think im a well dressed cheap-o.

Of course sometimes i do splurge a little (dont we all?) The sunglasses were $50. and thats as much as im willing to spend on sunglasses lol.

and yes i know i need a tan haha…cant wait to get baked this summer! 😉

Single Mom Problems

16 Apr

Every time I bump into old friends or ex boyfriends I feel as If they look down on me for being a single mom. I mean, hey it happens, but I just think people expected more from me. I feel like they must think I couldn’t keep a man or something. which isnt the case…I could’ve stayed with him, and I wanted to stay despite all the problems, but I wasn’t happy and I knew my daughter wouldn’t be happy either.

Anyway, I bumped into an old friend this past weekend. He looked at my daughter, looked back at me confused and said, “Thats not your baby right?” I wanted to laugh. It almost seemed like he wanted me to say no so he could stop holding his breath in. I guess me and Layla dont look alike, and two, I guess I dont look like a typical “mom” when I wear 4 inch heels? I dunno, but when I told him it was, he quickly congratulated me, and then asked, “when did you have a baby??” He looked really confused by it all.

I dont blame him. I think everyone expected to hear I had a boyfriend, then engaged, then married, and THEN baby. nope. I skipped all that, and just had a baby. I cant explain how that happened in a 5 minute conversation. Thats why I dont like bumping into old friends, and ex boyfriends.

They all get this weird look on their faces like they’re dying to ask more but dont dare. But what am i supposed to say? “I broke up with my boyfriend because he was emotionally unstable”? UM no. thats none of their business. Plus, that would probably only make them want to know more, or go gossip about me later.

Ugh. single mom problems.

Anyway, My chubby lil panda is 2 MONTHS already! and I seriously “wuv” this little girl more than anything Ive ever loved in my life.

I love when she fake cries so I can carry her. I know i shouldn’t carry her, because that’ll only encourage her, but I just think its adorable that she knows how to fake cry at 2 months. Its the fakest cry Ive ever heard too.. She’ll blink her little eyes and stare at me quietly, then closes her eyes and goes “waaaaa…”

Then she opens her eyes and looks at me with a  sheepish smile to see if it worked.

It always works ;}

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Breastfeeding In Public

4 Apr

Is it Porn??

 

That is the Question.

 

 

Some are offended, others disgusted, and some are aroused at the sightings of a breastfeeding mother.

 

 

The mothers are usually outraged at peoples reactions.

 

“WHY? why all the fuss?? Im just feeding my child!” They say.

 

Heres what I think…

 

Breasts ARE sexual. point.

 

 

While society for the most part is okay with women wearing low cut shirts and bikini tops, they are not too accepting of a mother exposing part of her breasts to feed her child in public.

 

I understand this.

 

Just imagine it the other way around: If men had to feed our children trough their penises. I KNOW I KNOW. WEIRD AS HECK but just stay with me here…

Lets say, men gave birth and then penis fed their off spring.

HOW WEIRD would it be to stand in line at Auntie Annes in the mall, then turn and see a man a few feet away just whip it out and put his baby on it?

 

UM. yeah.

 

weird.

 

why? because we’re simply used to seeing our sexual body parts used for sexual purposes.

 

adding a child to something that is sexual…is wrong in most cases. AND thats why I think people have a hard time accepting breastfeeding in public.

to accept breastfeeding in public people would have to desexualize breasts and adopt a new mindset.

The mind set that breasts were meant to nurture babies and children.

But since breasts were also created for sexual purposes, I believe its only fair to meet society half ways and compromise.

We cannot expect for people who have been used to soda their whole lives to suddenly accept water. SO why do we get mad and stomp our feet because people are not used to seeing our breasts used for something other than a sexual purpose??

If we want people to be more accepting of breastfeeding in public, we must meet them half ways. It cant just be what we want.

That is why I think its important to breastfeed modestly.

Breastfeeding in public with a nursing cover on is the most appropriate in my opinion. And even then some might still be bothered, but i believe society for the most part would be more accepting of breastfeeding in public if more women wore a nursing cover.

 

 

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